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Boo Radley’s-> 232 N. Howard Spokane, WA 99201

ANOTHER profile for that special series dedicated to bringing our readers biased reviews of shops that carry our goods.

Aside from worm farms and taxidermy, I am most attracted to gift stores filled with oddball items. I know I’m not alone – at least not in Spokane, Washington. Boo Radley, that pasty (and super oddball) character from To Kill A Mockingbird, has opened a gift store. I say, good for him! I will put on my ham costume and let him walk me home anytime.

A few items off of the shelves:
Minding a calendar would never be a chore if I had this:

And how about all of the babies that would enjoy being tucked into their cribs with one of these?:

This looks educational as well as delicious. I’ll take 3:

My grandma kept a drawer-full of greeting cards in her buffet. An entire drawer, devoted to spontaneous correspondence!

What a woman.

She also kept plastic on her sofa and carpet on her kitchen floor. She really wanted to protect her furniture and linoleum.

The Thank-You Note is a classic greeting card and should be the foundation of any collection. Receiving a thank-you note in the mail is a little bit like finding money in last Winter’s coat or a good hat in a snowbank.

Let’s write one together!

First, choose a card:Now on to the writing… We’ll break it down into 5 easy steps:

1) Begin with a greeting: Dear Aunt Shirley,

She loves to hear her name because cats can’t talk.

2) This is the meat of the note and notice there is no appetizer. This is a “note” not a letter. Cut right to it: Thank you so much for the medical marijuana! If the gift from Aunt Shirley was cash, do not mention it. Speak instead of her “generosity.” Thank you for your generosity!

3) Say a little bit about how you use or will use the gift: I smoke it everyday!

4) Mention the last time you saw Aunt Shirley and hint at a future meeting: It was lovely to see you at Uncle Bob’s funeral, I hope to see you again before your funeral!

5) And scene: Love, Fran

Oh, and here’s another card that will be added to the line:

Do you hear me? DO YOU?!

Like-minded people know that a flippant attitude will get you somewhere. You can be either: A) A bartender. B) A regular on The Hollywood Squares. C) A wise-cracking cellmate. D) Christian Lander. E) The Voice of the People.

Those are pretty much all your choices, so think carefully. Obviously, I chose E. Only because the role of Christian Lander was already taken and I have claustrophobia.

I looked out the window today and saw this:

My reaction could only be this:

My SAT scores were never high enough to get me into an Ivy League school. I’m kidding. I never took that stupid test. I’m kidding. That test isn’t stupid. I’m kidding. Yes, it is. I’m not bitter, I’m funny. Tell me I’m funny.

ANYWAY, finally, those Harvard braniacs can correspond properly.

Send me a love letter, Harvard alum, Mark Zuckerberg. 

Some of the chosen cards were:

As for that last choice: That gal is talking about his beach ball. HIS BEACH BALL.

“It is finished.” She gasped as she crumpled to the cold, concrete. It was, by all accounts, glorious. The work would outlast the artist and elevate the art form to new and dizzying heights. 

But she, exhausted and covered in ink, was oblivious. To her, this was nothing more than an exercise. A functional and fleeting piece, it would be handled roughly and discarded by Springtime.

Um, so, that poster for Craftsravaganza is, like, done:

There are a couple of things going on around here:

1) Our fax machine is spitting out orders faster than we (jen) can fill them.

2) We (I) are (am) making the poster for this year’s Craftstravanganza.

Just to make my load fair, I listen to a recording of screaming children while I work.

I think it really shows:

Today, I will put ink on that – it will be so spectacular there won’t be a dry eye in the room. (I’ll be the only one in the room.)

This is what comes of my unwillingness to fold the laundry – I just stare out the window (of my asylum) and think and write inappropriate things. Shouldn’t the children in my imagination be allowed to have one wholesome snowball fight?

Oh, Winter! You blustery old fool – you are the antagonist of the seasons. And as I am the protagonist in my own story, I gladly throw my fleece-lined hat in the ring. It is February and that means Triumph is within my grasp. I can smell it like a plate of clam fries. Mmm, clam fries… Once Upon A Time, I found myself sitting in front of an abandoned plate of clam fries. They were left by an angel disguised as a drunk couple. God is so mysterious!

Here is a new card, inspired by the soft blanket of snow that covers this land:

Remember when I talked about my naming skills? No? That’s okay, I barely remember it myself. Anyway, I did a project with The Carney Group – I named a product that debuted at the 2011 MacWorld Expo to much adulation. Wait, that’s a pretty strong word. To much curiosity. They made the Top 3 Happening Booths but I think that had more to do with the bearded CodeWeavers COO dressing as Cher (I think that’s Cher?? Yucky!)

than the name I chose for the product – which was, by the way: Impersonator. See, it’s software that let’s your Mac run Windows apps without running Windows.

So brilliant.

David Pogue of the New York Times called it “hilarious” and one of the most creative pitches he’d seen all year.

I wonder if he meant last year because otherwise it would just be one of the most creative pitches he’d seen in January. I also wonder if he meant it was one of the most disturbing pitches he’d seen.

I wrote a lot of funny lines and made some cool logos

BUT all of my creative was for naught.

For naught.

They wrote their own lines and made their own logo. That’s cool. I don’t even care. I don’t. I totally let it go. Totally. I’m fine. Oh, here’s a little video I made (rejected by them – which I’m totally fine with. I am. I’m fine. It’s cool. Whatever. It doesn’t even bother me.) to go with the name. Close the blinds and turn on the projector, here’s IMPERSONATOR:

Maybe I’m not so good at “folding cards” or “doing what I’m told.” Maybe Jen is just better at those things because she’s part robot. One of these days she’ll malfunction and I’ll have to jump-start her with a car battery. Let’s see who’s laughing then.

After I inserted 200 of the wrong-colored envelope in with this card,

I did a lot of soul searching. And with a little help from Ms. Jerri Blank and Mr. Jellineck, I remembered that not everyone can be good at everything.

I headed right out to the shop and made this card:

What a day!