Blog - Carney

Tanek demanded a new website, and who am I to argue?? I just do what I’m told.

I designed/art directed it and the good folks at Carney, made my wishes their command.Observe the fancy bells and whistles!

Rollovers… PDF Downloads… Video Portraits…

And observe what you WON’T observe: My own, personal, Content Management System.It’s okay to cry. It’s beautiful.

The Epilepsy Foundation needed a new look for their fleet of trucks and The Carney Group contacted me (via telepathy) to see if my brain was available to think of ideas. I’m not just a brain. Geez.

I rescheduled my ice-pick lobotomy and put on my thinking cap.

What if the trucks were bright red and had big white letters with a line like, THIS TRUCK CONTAINS TWO TONS OF HOPE??

Yes?

Okay.

Pat Carney stumbled into our dimension on Friday for the Gute photo shoot.

Edmund made latte after latte while Loretta babbled in the background. We think she was talking about Pam the kitten/her prisoner. Anyway, I had to punch Pat in the face to get one latte away from him for a prop. He took it like a man. Except for the tears.

Remember when I talked about my naming skills? No? That’s okay, I barely remember it myself. Anyway, I did a project with The Carney Group – I named a product that debuted at the 2011 MacWorld Expo to much adulation. Wait, that’s a pretty strong word. To much curiosity. They made the Top 3 Happening Booths but I think that had more to do with the bearded CodeWeavers COO dressing as Cher (I think that’s Cher?? Yucky!)

than the name I chose for the product – which was, by the way: Impersonator. See, it’s software that let’s your Mac run Windows apps without running Windows.

So brilliant.

David Pogue of the New York Times called it “hilarious” and one of the most creative pitches he’d seen all year.

I wonder if he meant last year because otherwise it would just be one of the most creative pitches he’d seen in January. I also wonder if he meant it was one of the most disturbing pitches he’d seen.

I wrote a lot of funny lines and made some cool logos

BUT all of my creative was for naught.

For naught.

They wrote their own lines and made their own logo. That’s cool. I don’t even care. I don’t. I totally let it go. Totally. I’m fine. Oh, here’s a little video I made (rejected by them – which I’m totally fine with. I am. I’m fine. It’s cool. Whatever. It doesn’t even bother me.) to go with the name. Close the blinds and turn on the projector, here’s IMPERSONATOR:

It’s important to name things. My middle toes, my water bottle and all of my hypothetical tumors have names. I got to use my naming skills this week to name a real product for a real company. I’ll pose (nude) next to the product when it hits the Apple Store shelves. I think that’s what PR people mean by “changing the conversation.” We’ll find out.

Meanwhile, Fred was busy photographing our latest letterpress cards. If you like unicorns, (who doesn’t?) I have just the card for you. Also, if you like men carrying baby elephants or know someone that is grieving the loss of a cat, you will be satisfied.

ETC.

Snap, snap!! Take me to the shop!! 

Fran Shea’s résumé

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

1988-1988 (Nov. 1-Dec 23) Lyndale Garden Center

My first job. Silly me, I heard “making Christmas wreaths” and thought I’d be “making Christmas wreaths.” Pre-made wreaths were heaped onto a lunch table – my job was to choose the sprigs for the wreaths. “Sprigs” was an industry term for cheap Christmassy crap.

1989-1989 (Sept. 1-Sept 15) Pearson’s Family Restaurant

I bussed tables and was told to clear as much of the table as would fit in the gray bin. It would have been very satisfying if I were training to be a power-lifter. Two weeks was too long.

1989-1990 (Oct. 1-March 1) Leeann Chin, Richfield

As a server, I wore a little white hat and jacket. Like a chef. A disgruntled, panicked, 17-year-old chef.

1990-1990 (June 1-Aug. 15) GJ’s SuperValu

A block walk from my apartment above Ribizza – this job required speed and superhuman strength. Bagging groceries during a “rush” filled me with doubt and indecision – eggs before bread or bread before eggs?? Should I take my smoke break now??

1990-1990 (Sept. 1-Nov. 1) Telemarketing for the Special Olympics

I don’t even know how I found this job – it was in a bland office in a bland office building on University Avenue.  The script we were handed was written in the 1950′s and we were supposed to offer lots of garbage bags in exchange for donating to the Special Olympics. Our boss was, I think, Bob Saget.
1990-1991 (Nov. 15-Jan 15) Meyer’s Bakery

A job that required cash register skills. I’d rather wash old peoples bottoms than use a cash register – I’d try to push customers into buying things that would result in even dollar amounts so I wouldn’t have to make difficult change. Three cookies? Why not four?… Two loaves of bread? Why not two loaves of bread AND a cookie??

Fast Forward—>

1993-1996 : Carney Studio

The interview went something like this:

“So, you want to be a graphic designer?”

“A what?”

“You’re hired.”

1996-1997 : Odney Advertising

This is where I learned about advertising. And stealing office supplies.

1997-present : Stay At Home Mom

This is where I learned about cleaning up poop.

2006-present : Owner of Zeichen Press

The culmination of a life-long set of painfully acquired skills.