Posts in Winter
I heard (via Facebook) we had a lot of snow last week but I don’t know what to believe because I locked myself in my bedroom and closed the… how do you say?? Blankets… on the windows?? Oh, BLINDS. Sunshine and warm weather only leads to selfish behavior and I’d much rather spend my days emailing Jen and the Intern about the Spring release and organizing my tax documents. Spoiler Alert: we chose 12 cards and my tax guy wept with joy when he received my paperwork. (But through his tears, he mumbled something about me being second to none.)
Before my self-imposed deadline arrives, I have time to disclose the two cards that nearly made me exit my cloistered life:
Oh, and despite my other critical obligations, I managed to do some pro bono (Latin for dope) work for a worthy cause: Putting together a podcast for the fine folks at The MS Gym. Anyway, I know what you’re thinking, it’s about time she learned about RSSs and XMLs.
When I need to know what month it is I just observe the animals around me. Simple!
HANG IN THERE, TIB – only 25 days till April!
Jen and The Intern and I are taking a break from a heated discussion about which cards should be dumped and which cards should be spared. Decisions like this require heartlessness and detachment. I don’t even care because I replaced my heart with an alligator’s heart. (COLD BLOODED.) I threw the dumped cards in the alley just to prove how much I didn’t care.
(That’s one of the dumped cards and I STILL DON’T EVEN CARE.)
I already moved on.
Oh, I KID! I love hearing the signs of Spring! Cawing crow and distant chainsaw, I HEAR YOU. I also see the sun setting later, like it’s November, BUT IT ISN’T. If Winter were actually a six-month marathon, I’d shove so much grain-free chips and guacamole in my fanny pack, stock my running-bandolier with a variety of hydration gels and, ONCE AGAIN, salute the outdoors for being a worthy adversary.
But that’s silly! Guacamole would turn brown and my chips would get stale! I will just stream movies, write cards, and fashion the hair I pull off my sweater into a wreath.
My firstborn turned 26 yesterday and between bites of angel food cake, I did the math and figured out that’s more than 6 years older than I was when he was born. I invited him over when I was done with my calculations. He tied a cloth napkin on Millie’s head because he was so grateful that I saved him some birthday cake . Oh, to be young!
I’ll give him this card in about 40 years:
I scream that repeatedly the morning after a substantial snowfall – it’s really helpful and my family appreciates it so much.
When I’m done warning everyone on my block, I always feel inspired:
Is it wrong that I was more concerned about getting a good photograph of today’s event than of my house being engulfed in flames?
And why was the fireman so happy?
I guess he just loves the outdoors as much as I do! -12° makes me smile and laugh, too — and I’m not even a sociopath!
After the smoke cleared (LITERALLY), I made a Valentine’s Day card and called 911 to give it to him:
Loretta modeled the gift we got for The Intern (to make sure it felt festive) and it sat under the tree until yesterday because she says her pipes froze.
Maybe Loretta can wear two of those Christmas stockings.
We still have one present under the tree and if the recipient doesn’t claim it soon I’ll just have to keep it for myself. #MERRYCHRISTMAS
I wish I had a vintage Christmas tree stand that rotated and played music.
JUST KIDDING! I do! That music-box music fills me with Peace n’ Joy so I don’t freak out on Sears Customer Service for not hauling away my old appliances. JUST KIDDING! I still freaked out on them!
(24) YEARS ago (and a couple weeks before Christmas) my friend asked me how much I loved ornaments for the tree. I told her that I DIDN’T love ornaments for the tree. I just liked strings of lights. And MAYBE those glass balls.
She tried to talk me into loving them, but I insisted that I did not. Fast forward to Christmas Day, and under my nearly-naked tree, she had placed a giant box filled with ornaments that she had lovingly gathered over the year. Let me repeat that last part: THAT SHE HAD LOVINGLY GATHERED OVER THE YEAR.
Am I the worst friend ever? MAYBE. One more thing: I also forgot her birthday a couple years later. WHY IS SHE STILL FRIENDS WITH ME??
Shhh… Forget that story and observe Tib hating Dinah for sitting in her chair:
ALSO, here’s a Christmas card I made after I was done yelling at Sears:
I spend my days and nights writing and designing… Feverish and barely stopping to eat, I create.
If only I had my own Antonio Salieri. IF ONLY. I wrote a Christmas card. Or whatever.
Running from the law and dressed as a 50s housewife, Pee-Wee said it best:
But I can’t help it. Thanks to my handy iPhone, I snap photos constantly… The animals have started building fortresses to hide from me.
Nice try, Millie. NICE TRY.
Here’s a new (Christmas) card. INSPIRED BY MY COMPULSION.