Posts in Franimals
I (obsessively) read the entire Black Stallion series under the watchful eye of my molded-plastic mini-Arabian Stallion
and my best, inanimate, friend Raggedy Ann. (Who my mom called Raggedy Baggedy and my older brother reminded me that I could not bring to the first day of Kindergarten. I said I KNOW THAT. But I was lying and couldn’t imagine being separated from her. She was filthy but I didn’t care because underneath her clothes was a secret stitched heart that professed her love to me.
As if I didn’t have enough blessings bestowed upon my busy-body, I was also honored with a sticker collection album… I don’t think my parents even knew how much it meant to me… I heard my little sister took it over when I had grown “too old” for it. I paged through “her” pages and held back my disappointment! Did she understand that stickers were meant to be saved between the clear plastic pages by cutting them out with their backing and a border that preserves the stickability and ease of future use??instead of just STICKING THEM TO THE CLEAR PLASTIC PAGES NEVER TO BE USED AGAIN??
I’m thinking about stickers again (did I ever really stop??) Because Zeichen Press is gonna stuff these 2″ x 2″ stickers in every order (for all of the big $30 spenders)!
I obviously read the Black Stallion series AGAIN to get into character.
Maybe Mr. Bo (doesn’t every grade schooler have a Vietnam War vet/gym teacher/recess monitor who relays stories about soldiers stringing human-ear trophies like Hawaiian leis and giant spiders perched on webs making passage of densely packed jungle-trails impossible without a machete??) or a passionate parent painted the four square court and kickball field in white paint on our asphalt parking lot/playground. The important thing is that the sand used to provide traction on the ice was only embedded in knees if a girl-student was bold enough to slide home in her uniform skirt.
Speaking of playground antics, here’s a photo of my friend Steph and I playing tug-o-war with my scarf while our friend Kate observes:
And here we are not playing tug-o-war while Steph’s cat observes.
Aren’t we cute??
Aww! Look at our deck covered in Millie and sunshine!
Spring is here!
Wait… what is that falling from the sky??
Oh, Minnesota… YOU TRICKSTER! You get me every year!
I tried to escape Minnesota’s clutches for one of my birthdays years ago… The cabin-pressure reminded my uterine lining that it should exit via my lady-parts posthaste. As I tied a sweatshirt around my waist, I reminded myself that I should have known better.
I know Winter is almost over because I’ve watched everything on Netflix and am now forced to look at my neighbor’s roof because their house is so close that when windows are open on quiet Summer nights, I’ve heard a stream of urine meeting a toilet-bowl full of water.
Oh, and another reason I know Winter is almost over is that Jen and I (and #oldestintern) are picking cards for the Spring release! It only took me two hours of meditation and four Xanax to kill my darlings! And by darlings, I don’t mean house pets or 4th trimester babies. I mean designs that I have birthed and cherished as if they were a sliver of my soul. As the kids say, #NBD. Maybe someday, my little friend.
Oh, this one DID make the cut!
Sometimes Winter digs its filthy, ragged nails in — refusing to allow the next season to sashay over snowdrifts and SOMETIMES pantyhose must be filled with Ice Melt and arranged like giant caterpillars on the roof to dissolve the glut of ice-filled flashing. SOMETIMES.
Did my new son-in-law know that he was going to spend so much time on my roof?? (TOO LATE NOW!)
Ohh, I will give up… WHEN PIGS FLY.
Doesn’t Winter understand that it takes more than a little water running down walls to derail Zeichen Press?? MUWAHAHAHA!!
MTV only played three videos in 1991 and I watched them over and over again because Spike the Cat blocked the very small infrared light detector on the cable box with his tail so the remote control was useless.
Why didn’t I just get up and move the cat or change the channel the old-fashioned-way?? SHHHHH.
I guess one of those three videos inspired a Christmas card?
My mom told me that my classmates only teased me because they were jealous.
Who could blame them?? LOOK AT ME. That’s a REAL Guinnea Sax dress and ivory blouse.
Speaking of jealousy…
Millie got a new dog bed and we overheard her begging Tib to move over but Tib completely ignored her. We told Millie not to worry because Tib is just jealous of her because she doesn’t have a uterus and Millie does. TAKE THAT, TIB.
Never one to miss subtle innuendo, I observed the falling snow while Jen feverishly printed and concluded that it is almost time for the No Coast Show!Or almost time for Millie’s seasonal grooming. We spoil her!
Before Zeichen Press (BZP) took over my life, I homeschooled my three children and when the snow fell I amused myself by forcing them to complete arbitrary projects.
But now that they are older I am forced to amuse myself by creating greeting cards. Oh, the humanity…
The other day my uncle posted a photo on Facebook of my great grandpa and, once again, I was forced to amuse myself. But this time via photoshop.
Is that your eldest on the right?? YES. Fingers crossed he doesn’t meet the same demise! (Death-by-train-while-walking-on-the-tracks.)
Oh, and if you follow Instagram AT ALL, you would know that Magers & Quinn and Zeichen Press are having a love-fest.
See you at the Midtown Global Market December 7th or 8th! (OR BOTH, YOU HARDCORE CRAFT CONNOISSEUR.)
List of things Millie has peed in or on:
- – Shoes
- – Coats
- – Rugs
- – The bathroom floor
- – Towels left on the bathroom floor
- – Backpacks
- – Dirty laundry
- – Clean laundry
- – Stack of paper for a Room & Board project
Oh, yeah! Jen’s shoes! Silly Jen, doesn’t she know that is one of Millie’s 9 favorite places to empty her bladder??
Millie told me later that she does this to remind humans about overcoming adversity… It actually makes sense because she’s been totally into Brené Brown lately!
Why were Jen’s shoes off anyway?? BECAUSE she prints a sample of a new card, marches from the shop to the house, takes her shoes off by the back door so we can pick the perfect envelope and paper color, THEN slips her shoes back on so she can march back out to print. BUT while we were busy picking the perfect envelope and paper color, Millie was busy filling Jen’s Dansko clogs with a liquid surprise… Oh, Millie! One card down, only 17 more to go!
DAMN, that’s a lot of pinkish ink on the press… Don’t worry, we expressed our gratitude for Millie via organic beef treats (SHE DIDN’T SHARE.) Oh, and Jen prints barefoot now.
Here’s a teaser: