Posts in True Story

Party Like It’s 1992

published by Fran Shea

February 7, 1992 • 1:10 a.m.

Did I just wet my pants a little bit?? No… I am, like, totally, 42 weeks pregnant… That has to be my water breaking… 

AND THUS BEGAN MY ILLUSTRIOUS CAREER OF MOTHERHOOD.

That baby turned 25 the other day and despite the challenges (super-poor, a string of stalkers, household hygiene issues, pretending to be a graphic designer/art directormore babies, homeschoolingFran Shea’s Cat Ranch, and Zeichen Press) he still tolerates me.

#blessed

I made a birthday card and I’ll show it to him after I explain where babies come from.

Oh, and SPEAKING OF BIRTHDAYS, RSVP licensed more of our art.

Terrible, Thanks For Asking + Zeichen Press = FEELINGS

published by Fran Shea

STUDIES SHOW

CRYING AND LAUGHING IN

THE SAME HOUR MAKES

HUMANS BETTER; STRONGER

You know how every day someone asks “how are you?” And even if you’re totally dying inside, you just say “fine,” so everyone can go about their day? This show is the opposite of that. Hosted by author and notable widow (her words) Nora McInerny, this is a funny/sad/uncomfortable podcast about talking honestly about our pain, our awkwardness, and our humanness, which is not an actual word.

°°°°

Listen to the latest Terrible, Thanks For Asking 
podcast, sponsored by Zeichen Press,
only if you want to be better; stronger.

NICE TRY, 2016

published by Fran Shea

Sometimes Millie puts her face right up to my face and her breath is so bad it fills me with rage. SPEAKING OF SMELLS, the third floor of my second apartment reeked of body odor (not mine) and potato curry, and every day I trudged down the hallway with a fat newborn and a backpack full of dreams. And that was how I crushed the Spring of 1992.

2016 is almost over but who’s still laughing? ME. That’s right, I may be surrounded by bad smells and bad news but I’m still on top. Here is my (perhaps) last Christmas card of the year:

 

 

Winter Sports

published by Fran Shea

Sandwiched between Freshman French and Physical Science was a class called Winter Sports. Three solid months learning badminton and cross-country skiing. Vintage equipment was pulled from a locked storage closet

and it was just like renting shoes from a bowling alley if the bowling alley was a Run on Baileys Building and Loan

and the disgruntled customers were 30, fifteen-year-old students

Class lasted for 50 minutes which was exactly enough time to gather winter wear from our lockers, run to the first floor, check out/swap boots and skis, bundle up, ski across the parking lot, turn around, ski back to school, return our gear/disrobe, run to our lockers, and head to class.

Speaking of Winter Sports, my friend and I discussed her Solo-Sledding adventures the other day. She told me it’s her Me Time. Good for her!

The Big Picture

published by Fran Shea

This is the face of a girl who got a globe for Christmas the year before. A girl determined to prove to everyone how much she needed; NAY, deserved the Lite-Brite. fran-lite-brite

Santa would never make that mistake again. 

This determination guided the girl for a lifetime, nothing would stand between her and her singleminded fixations. Fran etch a sketch

NOTHING.

fran-covered-in-kittens

One of the latest obstacles were some pesky illustrated creatures 45510_frog_concertwho needed to be removed so one frog could fulfill his God-given right to sing Wayne Newton.

And sing he did. 

darling-danke-schon

Yours for only $4.50! (SOON.)

darling-frog

Slightly Different

published by Fran Shea

Usually bragging is reserved for Facebook, family newsletters, and prison cells. But showering has made me feel fancy and solitary confinement has made me such a blabbermouth!
SO behold our new bathroom:bathroom-newMillie wanted to show off the bathroom but she isn’t tall enough to open the backdoor.squirrel-millie-wordsToo bad we re-screened that door!

Did that squirrel even know he/she was the color of my new grout?? I’m kidding! I’m sure he/she did!

Speaking of Dove Gray™ grout, (WERE WE??) I made a new card. Intern #1 said it was Mom Humor. I told her to go to her room.an-elephant-never-forgets

Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat. Copy. Paste. Repeat.

published by Fran Shea

Have I mentioned how much Millie The Dog one-dog-named-milliebarks at anything and everything within a 500 foot perimeter of our house? Mailman, delivery-person, solicitors, neighbors, guests, the kids, trick-or-treaters, my mom… We’ve talked a lot about it and she feels super responsible for alerting us – I told her that we really don’t need that kind of help, BUT WE DID. SHE WAS RIGHT. SHE’S ALWAYS RIGHT.

SO, my driveway was full of a dumpster filled with bathroom remodel debris, Millie was having a staycation with a friend, AND SOME JERK CLIPPED THE LOCK ON OUR SHED AND STOLE MY BIKE.cut-lockAnd he threw the lock in the dirt like some sort of criminal.

AND THEN, the loser (no judgment) tried to sell MY bike on a site called OfferUp.com.img_3265

But he is as slippery as an eel wrapped in a banana peel, and disappeared INTO THE NIGHT. Police have been alerted, prayers to St. Anthony have been said. I asked St. Anthony if he could forward my prayers onto the Patron Saint of Stolen Goods and he told me to go back to sleep and stop Googling escutcheons for the new bathroom.

FINE.

While I wait for my miracle, I spend days mindlessly migrating ALL of the content from the Zeichen Press site to THE NEW Zeichen Press site. DON’T WORRY, you won’t even be able to tell the difference because we wanted to spend a lot of money on something that nobody notices.

OH, and Jen got some new/old cutslittle-man-in-cutsso I made a Father’s Day Card out of that little man.go-to-bedBACK TO MIGRATING/WEEPING.