Posts in World Dominance
Hail battered my window AC and woke me up just in time for The Apocalypse.
But luckily it wasn’t THE Apocalypse because I didn’t have my Doomsday Bunker prepared. So I used an old blanket to mop up the ten gallons of rain that blew through windows-I-forgot-to-shut. It felt anti-climactic.
The Almost-Apocolypse was followed by a heatwave so I hunkered down in my air-conditioned cell and made a couple of Father’s Day cards because Father’s Day is coming up and I LOVE DADS!
Silverfish are not really fish and not made of a precious metal. But they do love my bedroom. Observe:
I’d like to say I smashed that one but I didn’t and it probably used my sleeping body as a jungle gym. I have already smashed members of its family and I thought that’d be a warning but obviously it’s not. Now I sleep with a sock on my head and zipped up to the tippy-top in a neoprene bag. But I laugh as I drift off to sleep because I want the silverfish to know I’m not afraid and my kids to know that I’m not insane. HAHA!
I know we made it through another winter because I can hear the toads mating and my neighbor snoring. City-life is so full of intrigue! Who knows, this hawk
could be guilty of butchering all those baby bunnies?? Why am I so quick to blame my domesticated house pets??
Anyway, it’s almost June and that reminds me that school is almost over. 🙂
brought me a freshly murdered baby bunny.
And after I was done screaming hysterically, cursing the guilty,
and watching my friend scoop up the body with a shovel, I made a card.
Jen has her hair done before she picks up Tib
and Tib sharpens her claws on a fence post. It all works out because they both understand strength is tied to beauty and Jen wears kevlar long underwear.
In other news, my niece is getting married in a few weeks so I made her a card:
I apologize in advance.
I don’t know what Jen did between printing cards for the new release, but I was able to fill my time with important things.
It’s so important to live in the here and now!
Franmas has come and gone and was filled with begging
and mandatory/all-day posing.
**Not pictured: Flaming effigy/piñata the kids made of/for me.**
After I took this photo, we all laughed and shared a bar of 89% cacao, its whisper of sweetness brought us closer together. And the birthday celebration lasted longer than just 24 hours because the very next day Jen and I started printing the Spring Release!
Our telepathic communication is less fun than it used to be so we started using very subtle mumbling and facial expressions to share feelings of disgust or acceptance when choosing paper and envelopes.
While Jen prints, I conduct important research and send her texts.
Even though she doesn’t respond, I know she nods her head, files the information away, and appreciates it very much. She never sees me mouth the words, “You’re welcome.”
Between watching a stolen copy of Firestarter,
having my myofascial system manipulated, and stuffing Jen’s pants with firecrackers, we had just enough time to choose cards for the spring release. And because I am so generous, I slowed-down the best scene in Firestarter so everyone can enjoy it as much as I did. **SPOILER ALERT** Little Drew is often blinded by rage and uses the pyrokinetic powers she inherited from her mother, Heather Locklear, to burn her enemies alive. Also, George C. Scott can kill a man with one precise karate chop to the underside of the nose. (See clip above.)
NOW, wanna know what cards we chose?? I’ll only show you FOUR, because I am full of mystery.
More on vicarious living…
Some people have places to go and people to see. NOT ME. I planted myself in a pot of dirt years ago and rely on friends, relatives, rumors, and Facebook to satisfy any (two-dimensional) cravings and wanderlust I might have.
Already this month, Jen texted me a photo she took of my brother (her husband) standing next to a card rack (with our cards) at Small World Books in California.
As if that wasn’t enough, my nephew met/stayed with our New Zealand distributor! I’m so glad she didn’t murder him! I asked my nephew to take photos of himself in front of our cards but he only sent a photo of his foot with Helen Harvey in the background.
I told him that was close enough.
Oh, AND The Intern ran a half marathon in NYC
so I made her a card using a printer’s block she gave me.
Running from the law and dressed as a 50s housewife, Pee-Wee said it best:
But I can’t help it. Thanks to my handy iPhone, I snap photos constantly… The animals have started building fortresses to hide from me.
Nice try, Millie. NICE TRY.
Here’s a new (Christmas) card. INSPIRED BY MY COMPULSION.