Blog - Franimals

When Pam (our New England rep) calls me, I have to think for a second… Is this Classic Pam the Cat calling me from beyond the grave? But no, that would be silly! Classic Pam is too busy.Pam spent last week at the Javits center in New York, I think because she loves us.

We love you too, Pam.

She is faxing orders over willy-nilly and I am busily taking pictures of kittens.

(She’ll thank me later.)

This time, I’m two-timing Zeichen Press with The Book.

(Remember when I two-timed Zeichen Press with Tanek, and I made those paper dolls??)

OMG, good times!

Now I’m spending my waking hours wrangling kittensand working on the book. Here’s a teaser:PUT YOUR GLASSES ON.

Still blurry?? Wink.

There were TWO mysteries at Zeichen Press HQ this week. I prayed and prayed to Benedict Cumberbatch,and my prayers were sort of answered, because Jen came to search/tear the house apart.

FIRST, one of the five kittens was missing.Tib had means AND motive. She was questioned and released.Poor Tib… We accused her of eating her weakest kitten. (True story.)The kitten was later found, unharmed.

Sorry Tib.

But what was the second mystery, Fran??

HUSH, it will be explained in my Tell-All book, coming soon!

OR to use a term I (maybe) coined:

Wintermission!

I’ve been enjoying hour after hour of On Hold Musicand eating all of the Holiday Cookies.

Oh, AND setting up a GoFundMe for Tib The Cat. (Donate today to be eligible for one free kitten. Please. I beg of you.)—

AND HERE’S A BREAK-UP CARD. I’m a giver.

Thanks to buzzfeed quizzes, examining my conscience is so much easier. And shouldn’t we all ask ourselves those tough questions this time of year? “If I were a pizza, what kind would I be?” Or, “Do I prefer Miley Cyrus from her Hanna Montana days or on a Wrecking Ball?” 

But what is a life if it’s not examined? Not picked apart? Not squeezed like an engorged tick in a ziplock baggie?

I make cards between all of this productive introspection. Sometimes fictional creatures are harmed. Sometimes, they are spared.Merry Christmas Eve-Eve!

My agent wants a second book, he assures me that he’ll sell this one. He better, because I bought a $95 rug from Target. We’re not all fancy New Yorkers, Peter. WE’RE NOT.

So, it looks like this Winter will look just like last Winter… Except, I had the kids drag the trunk down from the attic for a coffee table.Oh, the cats? Never mind those. This place is crawling with them.Fine, here’s this year’s Christmas tree.

Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping??

Amazon? 

Shut your mouth.

Let me be more specific. LET ME.

Where can a person do all of their Christmas (AND CHANUKAH) shopping for amazing hand-made gifts while laughing with friends and/or family, eating ethnically diverse foods, AND SEE FRAN AND JEN??

THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!
Omg… that’s TOMORROW! Oh, THAT’S what Jen has been talking about! And THAT’S what these boxes are for!

See you there!

XO!

Much to be thankful for this year… Jen and I have FOUR working lungs, DreamWorks Studios loves us, AND (fingers crossed) Tib is pregnant again. 

And maybe a pregnant cat.

Don’t say anything. JUST DON’T. Tib might have snuck out the window like some sort of wild teenager. We’ll know as soon as we catch her in the kitchen with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

In other (less controversial) news from the Zeichen Press Headquarters: The new cards are all printed and in the shop! Wanna see?

It only took a few minutes to have a mole removed last week (my chest tube scar needed a BFF) and I texted Jen when it was done, exclaiming my relief at the speediness of the procedure.

She told me that that was the easy part.

That’s the way our relationship works — I get my head all full of smells of burnt flesh and joy, and Jen tethers my helium balloon to the doorknob.

It works. IT WORKS.

It’s time, once again, to print cards for the new release.

Choosing a corresponding envelope color can be difficult, and when Lucy or Loretta are unavailable we use another neutral third party.See how intense she is?

SETTLE DOWN, DINAH.

PS: You know we didn’t win Martha’s American Made Award competition. Stop asking.