Blog - Winter

March means the party is over and Winter is the (very) drunk guest that won’t take a hint. Um, Winter, can’t you see that I’ve thrown the bottles out the back door and had the dog clean the floor?

That’s alright. I’ve called it a cab, it will be here in a few weeks.

Meanwhile, here’s a new card:

My grandma kept a drawer-full of greeting cards in her buffet. An entire drawer, devoted to spontaneous correspondence!

What a woman.

She also kept plastic on her sofa and carpet on her kitchen floor. She really wanted to protect her furniture and linoleum.

The Thank-You Note is a classic greeting card and should be the foundation of any collection. Receiving a thank-you note in the mail is a little bit like finding money in last Winter’s coat or a good hat in a snowbank.

Let’s write one together!

First, choose a card:Now on to the writing… We’ll break it down into 5 easy steps:

1) Begin with a greeting: Dear Aunt Shirley,

She loves to hear her name because cats can’t talk.

2) This is the meat of the note and notice there is no appetizer. This is a “note” not a letter. Cut right to it: Thank you so much for the medical marijuana! If the gift from Aunt Shirley was cash, do not mention it. Speak instead of her “generosity.” Thank you for your generosity!

3) Say a little bit about how you use or will use the gift: I smoke it everyday!

4) Mention the last time you saw Aunt Shirley and hint at a future meeting: It was lovely to see you at Uncle Bob’s funeral, I hope to see you again before your funeral!

5) And scene: Love, Fran

Oh, and here’s another card that will be added to the line:

Do you hear me? DO YOU?!

Like-minded people know that a flippant attitude will get you somewhere. You can be either: A) A bartender. B) A regular on The Hollywood Squares. C) A wise-cracking cellmate. D) Christian Lander. E) The Voice of the People.

Those are pretty much all your choices, so think carefully. Obviously, I chose E. Only because the role of Christian Lander was already taken and I have claustrophobia.

I looked out the window today and saw this:

My reaction could only be this:

This is what comes of my unwillingness to fold the laundry – I just stare out the window (of my asylum) and think and write inappropriate things. Shouldn’t the children in my imagination be allowed to have one wholesome snowball fight?

Oh, Winter! You blustery old fool – you are the antagonist of the seasons. And as I am the protagonist in my own story, I gladly throw my fleece-lined hat in the ring. It is February and that means Triumph is within my grasp. I can smell it like a plate of clam fries. Mmm, clam fries… Once Upon A Time, I found myself sitting in front of an abandoned plate of clam fries. They were left by an angel disguised as a drunk couple. God is so mysterious!

Here is a new card, inspired by the soft blanket of snow that covers this land:

The first week of January is known as the first week of January. It’s also known as the time that the patient angler, eyes fixed on the bobber bobbing on the surface of the nearly frozen water in the middle of a hole cut through the ice-crust of their chosen lake, watches and waits. Watches and waits for the bobber to disappear, the bobber attached to the line tied to the sharp hook, the hook baited with an irresistible, wriggling delight. 

I love that the Zeichen Press fax machine is the bobber in the story. Ring, ring, ring! Thank you reps for dangling our delights (?!) in front of those hungry buyers! You wear snow-pants so we don’t have to. But we do anyway.

Because of you, we have time to direct important things:

2010 has a short driveway and as we backed down it we (I) felt wistful. It seems like only last year we were freezing in Brainerd. Here we are again, eating thick-cut bacon and praying for the strength to survive round after round of Name That Tune. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions because the prisons are overcrowded as it is and also because the world isn’t ready for my style of leadership. (Deer-in-the-headlights.)

This was a big year for Zeichen Press – and as I sit in my Fiberglass Insulated Cell, I feel gratitude. I also feel greasy from all of the bacon, but like the sparrow, I will take a sand-bath to freshen up when the time is right. A new website, a fleet of reps, prints in Room & Board, the dog’s wig:

Who wouldn’t be grateful? I believe Jen and I are coming up on The Five Year Anniversary of Our Zeichen Press Partnership – we will celebrate by not murdering each other in cold blood.

Don’t worry, we’ll send out Save-The-Date cards.

Christmas is just around the corner and that can only mean one (or more) thing(s): The shop is closed and the kitchen is open.

ALSO, it means that the children and animals are underfoot (more than usual) because of the 5 foot snowdrifts blocking the exits.

But don’t worry if you haven’t sent (or bought) your Christmas cards, yet! We (Jen and I, mostly Jen) are here to hold your hand straight through this blustery season! Did you know that (legally) you can send “Christmas” cards until January 6? THAT, is the official end of the Christmas Season because that’s when the Wise Men hauled it to the manger.

*Playmobile dramatization.

I used to mark the end of the Christmas Season by my son’s birthday (February 7). That day meant it was time to shove the Christmas tree out the second story window before the arrival of the birthday party guests. Now the tree stays until it becomes a fire hazard, and not a moment longer. So responsible!

So, speaking of an Epiphany: Don’t waste another minute reading this scatology! Go and buy some Seasonal Cards!

The No-Coast Craft-O-Rama is behind us and – like so many weekends – it’s all a blur.

I do remember Jen yelling “yahtzee!” whenever someone ordered the Show Special (two eggs, a slice of bacon and Texas toast with a dozen cards). And I remember feeling drunk with power. The top-selling card of the weekend was:

That tells me that Minneapolis is full of a lot of weirdos. Like me.

This card was also a big seller:

And that tells me that Minneapolis is full of a lot of moral ambiguity.

That reminds me! We had a snowstorm on Friday!

Luckily nobody had to eat anyone else to survive. Whew, right? That would not have been great for sales.

Would you rather have your significant other’s hands be replaced with Flounders OR your lips be replaced with a duckbill?

That’s a toughy.

How about: Would you rather have to wear a Kiss the Cook apron everyday (for the rest of your life) OR a multi-colored clown wig?

Sorry about that.

Okay, would you rather do your holiday shopping at the Midtown Market – where there will be 100 venders, vending beautiful/original handmade goodness – the air filled with the smells of exotic foods and the spirit of gift-giving??? OR maybe you’d rather sit at your computer and click on an Add To Cart button??

We’ll see you there! Zeichen Press is at table E-35!