The Answer to Life the Universe and Everything

published by Fran Shea

I turned 42 (wtf?) yesterday, received 18 drinking glasses, a scallop taco from Sea Salt, and this:opti-goblinsBUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I sent 20 little book samples to my agentsample-booksSo now he can go pitch them to 20 publishers.

I imagine his conversations go something like this:

Peter: Here’s a new little adult picture book by Fran Shea, owner of Zeichen Press in Minneapolis, maker of cards for people that like laughing.

Publisher Person: Let me put my eyeballs back in my sockets and write you a check for $1,000,000.

Peter: Very good.

END SCENE.

Oh, I also made a new Easter card. Don’t send me hate email like you did for my zombie Easter card. Jesus loves me, this I know for the bible tells me so.damn-jesus-punked-us-so-good

Behind the Gate AND a New Book Title

published by Fran Shea

Jen’s back!

Thank God.

She said she “missed ZP soooo much!”

ZP missed her too! To show her just how much, this rabbit (mascot) sacrificed and froze himself to the ground right in front of the gate she walks through to enter the ZP Headquarters.dead-rabbit-and-garbageALSO, I wrote/designed a new cover for my book… Kara is busily drawing pictures while I bark directions at her. I’m sure she’s already made a voodoo doll of me.

I don’t blame her a bit.house-trained-cover-revised

Martyr Memo

published by Fran Shea

No, no… don’t worry about me — I’m fine! I actually enjoy imagining exotic travel. Who needs all of that packing and jet-lag… and those language barriers?… No thanks!

Jen is (still) in Turkeyjen-in-turkey

(is she ever coming home??) and I am here.fran-feet-smartwool

See how I put my feet in the picture so that you can tell that I’m REALLY here?

My daydreams are broken only by Tib the Cat.tib-hanging-on-doorAnd the other inmates’ bickering.

But shouldn’t I embrace this opportunity during Lent for self-denial?

FINE.jesus-told-me-vert

Are with mosque and minaret

published by Fran Shea

Jen is in Istanbul (was Constantinople, now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople)istanbuland I discuss cannibalism after a family dinner. “Apparently,” says Number One Son, “human meat tastes just like bison.”

And so on.

If this Winter ever ends (will it?? Did I just imagine warmer days??), students will graduate and I made a card for such an occasion:good-luck-explaing-that-dead-body

Adventures In Letterpress!

published by Fran Shea

When I was 18 years old, a friend and I drove her crappy car to the Superior National Forest for an event. I didn’t have my driver’s license so I only drove half way. The event was called The Rainbow Gathering and was full of fascinating (high and naked) people. rainbow_gathering_trader_circleHighlights of the trip: Sitting in a tent all night with a group of strangers and not getting raped. And I think some other things happened but I’m not sure if they were real.

Aren’t subcultures fascinating??

Brandon Mise studied Letterpress Printers Around The World and made a book: Adventures In Letterpress:adventures-in-letterpress-coverAND he put a Zeichen Press project in it! It was that 4-color halftone/impossible feat of letterpress printing that we made for the Tanek Christmas card one year:adventures-in-letterpress-zeichen-pressRemember that? Little Nat and Ken sitting on scary Santa’s lap?? Did that event really happen?? Shhhhhhh, don’t speak or everyone will know how simple-minded you are.

I’ve Done All The Things

published by Fran Shea

I’ve had 120 fires, watched everything (worth watching) on Netflix, eaten BONE-BROTH soup (like a caveman), changed my Smartwool socks 4 times…

Oh, and WROTE A BOOK.

Here’s the new cover with working title. (Isn’t that what people say??)get-back-in-that-house-vers-2

But I always try to find the deeper meaning behind hardship, and 45 sub-zero days equals hardship. AM I RIGHT??

Maybe I’m supposed to let the Winter inspire more cards?words-that-rhyme-with-cold

SO NEEDY

published by Fran Shea

Sheila and Franz Ferdinand begged me to write a Zeichen Press card about their love because they’ve been together for over five years. I thought for sure she would have left him when his hair-plugs were rejected by his fussy scalp, but the toupée looked so lifelike!cold-lifeless-heart-2You still have time to order a card for Valentine’s DayOr two, if you are having an affair.

Mini-Ice Age

published by Fran Shea

That’s right! Scientists have analyzed data and determined that it’s extra cold.

Now I feel even less bad for never leaving my beanbag nest with fireplace view.fireplaceI gave up working-out and have adopted a restorative yoga practice. This particular pose is called Corpse.fran-corpse-poseNote the Winter coat. My character froze to death on the prairie.

ANYWAY. I can act like this now because I’m an eccentric writer with A LITERARY AGENT.

28 pages down, 12 to go…

Voodoo Doll

published by Fran Shea

I started getting acupuncture this weekacupuncture-wordsbecause my qi [chee] is obviously messed up. And, everyone knows, it is impossible to write a book with messed-up qi [chee].

A BOOK?!

I’m writing A BOOK!! Remember??

It’s one of the four things I talk about, so it should be easy to remember.

But, what are the other three?

1) Bacon

2) Rat-kingsrat-kingAnd 3) My new nephewbaby-trojackHere’s a card that explains everything:chickens-are-anxiousRight??