The original Aunt Fran
sounded just like Katherine Hepburn.
And my older sister told me I sounded just like a banana with hair. (Don’t act like you don’t know what that sounds like.)
DESPITE that voice, and (let’s be real) a face that only a mother could
use to test bathwater temperature and was also later mutilated with a nose-ring and surrounded by a bad perm and self-cut bangs, I have somehow prevailed! My evidence of this is best expressed through Lifetime Movie monologues
OR our latest release!
BEHOLD! (Here is a teaser/1 of 12 soon to be added to the shop!)
Aww! Look at our deck covered in Millie and sunshine!
Spring is here!
Wait… what is that falling from the sky??
Oh, Minnesota… YOU TRICKSTER! You get me every year!
I tried to escape Minnesota’s clutches for one of my birthdays years ago… The cabin-pressure reminded my uterine lining that it should exit via my lady-parts posthaste. As I tied a sweatshirt around my waist, I reminded myself that I should have known better.
I know Winter is almost over because I’ve watched everything on Netflix and am now forced to look at my neighbor’s roof because their house is so close that when windows are open on quiet Summer nights, I’ve heard a stream of urine meeting a toilet-bowl full of water.
Oh, and another reason I know Winter is almost over is that Jen and I (and #oldestintern) are picking cards for the Spring release! It only took me two hours of meditation and four Xanax to kill my darlings! And by darlings, I don’t mean house pets or 4th trimester babies. I mean designs that I have birthed and cherished as if they were a sliver of my soul. As the kids say, #NBD. Maybe someday, my little friend.
Oh, this one DID make the cut!
Sometimes Winter digs its filthy, ragged nails in — refusing to allow the next season to sashay over snowdrifts and SOMETIMES pantyhose must be filled with Ice Melt and arranged like giant caterpillars on the roof to dissolve the glut of ice-filled flashing. SOMETIMES.
Did my new son-in-law know that he was going to spend so much time on my roof?? (TOO LATE NOW!)
Ohh, I will give up… WHEN PIGS FLY.
Doesn’t Winter understand that it takes more than a little water running down walls to derail Zeichen Press?? MUWAHAHAHA!!
Something happened last weekend
*Hint: She consented.
The festivities inspired so many things! One of them was this card:
Now I’m busy watching Leaving Neverland because I need to balance all of the goodness of last weekend with something creepy! (Thanks pop-culture!)
On Valentine’s Day in 1990, I saw Pretty Woman at the Uptown Theater but little did I know that just a few months later I’d be living a few blocks North of that theater above a “restaurant” with the fanciest portmanteau-name ever. RIBIZZA. I was just like Julia Roberts! With less prostitution! And less Richard Gere! And less shopping montages!
This Valentine’s Day I watched and rewatched that scene and despite the lack of a theater that smelled like feet, it was still magical.
On February 15th I had a guacamole-hangover and followed Tib around hoping for inspiration.
Thank you, Tib. Thank you.
Remember that Winter when I dipped my ice-cold hands in 25¢ Tom Thumb coffee? WELL, I DO BECAUSE MY ICE-PICK LOBOTOMY DIDN’T WIPE OUT ALL OF MY MEMORIES/WHY DIDN’T I JUST HAVE THE ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY LIKE THE DOCTOR SUGGESTED?? #regrets
I won’t dip my hands in 25¢ coffee (OR WILL I???) because I need dry hands for clickity-clacking away at my keyboard. I tried googling “craftsman bungalow second-floor remodel” and realized I need more expert advice. Sorry, Google.
AND just because I love a challenge, and because I love WWII-era technology, AND because I believe pencils should express their pithiness via hot foil, I tested my fire-extinguisher and will try my hand at this: (I @#!$-ing <3 Zeichen Press.)
MTV only played three videos in 1991 and I watched them over and over again because Spike the Cat blocked the very small infrared light detector on the cable box with his tail so the remote control was useless.
Why didn’t I just get up and move the cat or change the channel the old-fashioned-way?? SHHHHH.
I guess one of those three videos inspired a Christmas card?
Mrs. Reece thought it made sense to cast me as Tweedle-Dee and my BFF as Tweedle-Dum. (Did we argue over who would get to be Tweedle-Dee?? Maybe.) We wore matching Nike tennis shoes, (before Heaven’s Gate!) knickers, striped socks, and propeller-topped beanies.
Last week, I asked Tweedle-DUM to find a photograph of the two of us in our Roles Of A Lifetime. She dug out her old STA yearbooks TO NO AVAIL! (Frowny-face.) BUT she DID find some other treasures!
Aww! SEE HOW SWEET I WAS?? Father Dillon and I must’ve taken a break from the PET computer lesson we were having so I could sign yearbooks.
(Did my mom know my pants didn’t fit anymore?)
All of this has nothing to do with a card I made! Here it is!
We’ve all seen this before but it still makes me laugh SO JUST WATCH IT.
There are big, some might say HUGE, things I am secretly planning for 2019.
They might involve World Domination. THEY MIGHT NOT.