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In the spirit of AMC’s award winning dramas, Mad Men and Breaking Bad, comes something written by the devil himself.

With a script scrawled on toilet paper, using a fountain pen filled with raw sewage, Pencil Pusher weaves a tale so dark, so depressing, viewers are advised to swallow two Xanax before viewing.

Meet Ernie Frost: One cog in a massive corporate wheel, one man in one cubicle surrounded by countless other cubicles… Floor upon floor of fabric-covered partitions spread like open prairie.

Deadly open prairie…

Gone are the days of positive incentives and opening the kimono, these are days of the Corporate Gulag.

But Ernie Frost has a plan to end the nightmare…

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Phew! Now I won’t have to throw a brick at my t.v. after the last episode of Breaking Bad.

Foraging for low-tide treasure is my third favorite thing to do.

But what are your top two favorite things to do?

Nerf Ping Pong

and smashing piñatas.

What about your top TEN?

Glad you asked.

Cat midwifery,

cracking glow sticks, raising tadpoles, Belgian beer, letterpress printing, Breaking Bad,and yoga (just kidding). Number ten is turtle-hunting.

I know what you’re thinking.

What a lady!

Whoa. WHOA. Hands off the merchandise.

Remember when I was talking about low-tide?

Here’s a card that features one of my favorite low-tide critters.Wouldn’t you love to get this card with a nice bottle of wine??

And by “you”, I mean “I”.

Everyone knows that St. Helena has The Best Fall Festival, this side of the Mississippi.

I did hear that Nativity in St. Paul has a snake pit and a freak-show…

But Saint Helena has rides and games and prizes — prizes like t-shirts that Jen and I made for the Duck Shoot!Yeehaw!!

Give a kid a cork gun, step back (STEP BACK), and watch the magic!Jen is DUCKing.

After spending $80,000 on climbing gear and an entourage of Sherpas in Nepal,

I’m sure it was glorious.

The relief, the pride, the joy!

BUT, she forgot one teeny-tiny thing: enough oxygen for her descent. With temperatures hovering around -30° and an altitude of 22,000 ft., she laid her body down on the side of the mountain. 

And died.

Lesson??

Never trust a Sherpa.

Zeichen Press reached a summit too! We’ve been climbing Mount Greeting Card for a looong time and we finally reached the tippity-top: Urban Outfitters.

…But now I’ll have to set a new goal… Suggestions?

Urban Outfitters bought this card — but just to be fancy, it will be printed with a bright blue ink:Let’s do this, indeed.

An ANTfestation in the shop required aggressive use of insecticide. Two waves of spray-on poison were needed to completely wipe out the colony hiding behind the Great Wall Of Cards.We murdered thousands of antsbefore Jen and I had an important meeting to decide which cards should be included in our next release.

Wait, after the genocide, but before the important meeting, Classic Pam got ahold of another baby rabbit. (See blog post: Fear and Dread) There was some backyard bedlam involving the dog and five kids chasing the cat… I got caught up in the chase but ended up somehow kicking the hopping baby rabbit. Don’t ask me how that happened.

DON’T ASK.

And without further adieu… the moment you’ve all been waiting for… OUR… NEW… CARDS!!!

“We’re Creek People now, mom… We’re Creek People…”What began as an optimistic, joy-filled journey down Minnehaha Creek turned into a somber, personal purgatory.

The creek didn’t mean to be a metaphor for life, but it was.

IT WAS.

We made it out alive and I’m so glad, I didn’t want to have to eat one, or more, of my children.

Did you know it’s Jen’s birthday today?? She celebrated by printing cards for Paper Source in our studio-turned-Easy-Bake Oven. She treated herself with a fan pointed at her back.

Tradition dictates that I make her a card. So, I did.

I’ve had so many (one) requests for bookplates!

Maybe you have a book that you don’t want someone (your mother) to “borrow” and “forget” to return? Maybe you need a bald man to protect your book?

You do??

I just made something for you AND because I’m generous (TO A FAULT), there are TWO bookplates on one piece of paper. 

Using radical letterpress technology (steel perfing rule) I was able to lay out TWO bald men PLUS a message in lead, that can be neatly separated and pasted into a beloved book.No, no… it’s not a miracle. Just one woman’s attempt to make the world a better place.

And on that note, here’s a card that touches on a preeetty sensitive subject:

I’m not afraid of heights or clowns or rats or bats or cemeteries or sharks. But I AM afraid of centipedes.

Once upon a time, I vacuumed up a centipede that was wearing Bill Cosby’s sweater.

But enough of that!

It’s August and time to dread Winter.

My research shows that Hell is being trapped in a snow cave with 1,000 centipedes. And here’s a card for Christmas.

WHAT?!

The much-anticipated matchup between Bionic Fran and Wonder Woman is finally here! Tickets are available by our back gate and the fight will be held in the driveway.

Come early and pick an unripened tomato to throw at the loser.

The event takes place as soon as Jen finds her way out of the mountains — I know her pockets were stuffed with breadcrumbs, so I’m sure she’ll be fine.

I’ve been pretty busy while she’s been gone… The intern and I talked a lot, I picked up two dead birds and one dead baby rabbit… I brought orders to the post office… I made this birthday card…

Counting is not as easy as it looks. The intern and I had to count cards (we love to gamble) for a big Kate’s Paperie order.

Holiday cards in June?My life is an endless sacrifice.

All of that counting tasted terrible, and so to cleanse her palette, the intern put a lot of ampersands together. That looked exactly like this:And because I need attention, I made this:See, it’s a profound cultural statement? DO YOU SEE?!