Did you hear me??? I said, MAZEL TOV, BITCHES!!!

published by Fran Shea

Remember when you were voted three different things by your senior class??And you daren’t show your Mom because that would shatter the illusion that you had so carefully constructed?? Just kidding, I had no parent fooled. PS: I didn’t even buy that yearbook because I was too busy partying. SORRY?? (PPS: NOT sorry.)

Now onto popular culture!: I didn’t even know that ACB was a Zeichen Press fan!

Oh, and just because everyone loves cute babies holding late nineties ephemera, here’s a photo of Winnie holding Po. Ignore that creature at our backdoor. 

Little Red Wagon, ETC.

published by Fran Shea

In the 1970s my Mom used to drag us in our little red wagon to the library.

Up Vincent Avenue where I would later trudge to school and never had Mountain Dew poured on my head by Eric Swanson and Tom Remier after they ALLEGEDLY smashed my diorama to smithereens.

But NOW there’s no reason to have your Mom drag you up to the library in your little red wagon BECAUSE you can just LISTEN to Audiobooks on an app!

WHAT A RELIEF/BORE!

Pretty HUGE

published by Fran Shea

Last week, a company in England

sent us an email praising our “delightfully bonkers” cards, I was CRUSHED because our cards are super sincere! They wanted to know if they could letterpress print/distribute them across the pond. I’ve heard people call the Atlantic Ocean a pond and I think it’s WAY bigger than a pond  – COME ON, PEOPLE!! This was perfect timing because I make all the decisions about my house based on whatever is happening with Zeichen Press and I really needed a place to practice my John Philip Sousa marches!Thanks to my son-in-law this will be a rug-shaker AND marching-practice balcony – FINALLY.

To celebrate (after high-fiving Jen), I made a card:

And Kim Jong Un came out of his coma to share this wish: (What a trooper!)

Gradually and then suddenly, or whatever

published by Fran Shea

Remember when your little sister was born so your parents sent you (and your impossibly short shorts) and your little brother to stay with your Aunt Patricia on the Cape?? REMEMBER THAT??

Oh… THAT WAS MY OWN PERSONAL MEMORY.

I think Ernest Hemingway said something about going bankrupt gradually and then suddenly – isn’t that the way with so many things?? First you are just a sister and the next thing you know, you’re on an airplane telling an old woman that you will for sure write to her but then feel guilty about talking to a stranger and crumple up her address and throw it in the Boston airport trash can.

Speaking of old women (wait, what?), here’s a Valentine. (Wait, what?)

Dear Zeichen Press,

published by Fran Shea

In the 1950’s, my Mom wrote (and sent!) postcards to her family and I have them (just for blackmail.) Ahh, the 1950’s… all the dads hula-hooped to work and the moms fixed wounds and cracks using silly-putty! (That’s historically accurate.)

•      •     •     •     •     •

Dear Zeichen Press,

I have kept up on all happenings by watching YouTube and censored dot tv videos and am I tired!

Francis had to go further to get ice to crush because the service station nearby was burned by the peaceful protestors.

Ask Jen to forgive me for never writing to her.

Love,

Fran

•      •     •     •     •     •

ENOUGH OF THESE DISTRACTIONS!!  

Do *I* Feel Lucky?

published by Fran Shea

Someone (WHO??) told me I am LUCKY to live in these times. Umm, I don’t feel lucky. My body always knows what’s up and that’s why my heart (my “hizart” in ebonics, I think.) was beating 177 times per minute!

Oh! According to three doctors and exactly two blood draws, it turns out my thyroid was doing that! Nothing some methimazole can’t fix!

CARRY ON! (My wayward son!)

PS: Ilhan Omar told us we didn’t need the police – I couldn’t agree more and these two ALSO agree!

A Real Riot!

published by Fran Shea

Has anyone seen the Blessed Unrest out there?? I’ve been avoiding CNN and get all my news from Censored dot TV, Michael Knowles, Timothy Gordon, and The Facts of Life.

Between my current-event-studies, I checked my white privilege and made a really important card:

Oh, also – Ralph really gets it!

Stay safe!

“Every joke is a tiny revolution.”

published by Fran Shea

~ George Orwell

AND it’s Franmas! Oh, ANNND it’s also a little thing called Easter, or whatever. 

I seem to be full of tiny revolutions, wait… how can a joke be a tiny revolution?? Are wet-markets full of bat-soup or Chinese bio-weapons funny?? Is my Mom’s “End the shutdown!” name-tag funny?? NO. But you know what is funny??

Joe Exotic.

THERE, I SAID IT.I read the book ‘1984’ actually in 1984.

George Orwell wrote about dystopian fictional government overreach and totalitarianism. Oh, George! You’re so Orwellian!

And here’s my joke:

And here’s ANOTHER joke:

HAHAHA!! Right?? *An emoji would be perfect here.

And this might take your mind off the pandemic for 2 seconds.

And because I’m a giver, here are 2 more seconds: