SNOW EMERGENCY!!! - Letterpress

I scream that repeatedly the morning after a substantial snowfall – it’s really helpful and my family appreciates it so much.

When I’m done warning everyone on my block, I always feel inspired:

Is it wrong that I was more concerned about getting a good photograph of today’s event than of my house being engulfed in flames?

And why was the fireman so happy?

I guess he just loves the outdoors as much as I do! -12° makes me smile and laugh, too — and I’m not even a sociopath!

After the smoke cleared (LITERALLY), I made a Valentine’s Day card and called 911 to give it to him:

FINGERS CROSSED.

I’ve already not been murdered by a Craigslist poster selling firewood and done (most) of my Christmas Shopping via Amazon. If I were born 50 years earlier my house would be freezing and my kids would cry hearty tears on Christmas Morning. I can only praise newborn baby Jesus for my easy-peasy life. (Sorry that when He grew up He had to be tortured and die and stuff.)

ANYWAY, the fire is roaring and UPS is delivering whatever my warm-ish heart desires. Isn’t that what this Season is all about?? Between my online-obsession and stoking the fire, I channeled some important words spoken by the Virgin Mary:

It never bothered me that the lenses in my glasses were rubber cemented into place and the rubber cement collected sand. I ditched those glasses under a fold in my beach towel so I could run down to the ocean and freely forage for low-tide sea creatures.

It was a free-range life! I wasn’t tethered by social convention! Or hygiene! Fast forward 35 years and I’m still leading a free-range life. Not tethered by social convention! Or hygiene! Today, our press lurched and lunged as if possessed but it was nothing a plastic shim couldn’t fix. See, free-range living!

That’s a filthy, oil-soaked floor and Jen throws cards to the ground when she’s angry. She leads a free-range lifestyle too! THAT’S HOW WE MAKE IT WORK.

(FYI: This is how our beloved C&P looks when Jen isn’t angry:)

Speaking of free-range, I made a new card for all of you (non-vegetarian) LOVERS out there.

Amid controversy and drama (will Jen and Fran ever non-violently agree on paper and envelope colors??

Will the Intern and Tib the Cat ever get along??

WILL FRAN’S MOM EVER STOP LOOKING LIKE FRAN IN 1979/Will Fran ever stop looking in the mirror???)

the New Release is finally done and will be added to the line as soon as I’m done looking in the mirror.

I never swear. Except when I’m driving. Or drop something. Or run out of coffee.

The Paper Chronicles included our most risqué cards in a recent post

and I rear-ended a car just so I could let out a stream of curse words. It would probably have been less expensive to drop something or run out of coffee, but I love drama!

Here’s another card I made that is safe to repeat while changing a diaper:

I sampled purgatory (again)… this time at Logan airport. I guess if I was jogging in place for five hours I’d like to be blasted with cold air from a ceiling vent. And if I wanted to watch a Surrealist film, I would have used my precious data and Boingo wifi to stream Volume I of the Anthology of Surreal Cinema on Netflix.

But like a group of shipwrecked strangers, bobbing in a life raft in the middle of the Atlantic, we were trapped together. Trapped and forced to watch a grown woman giving life to a humanoid using only her bare hands.

Anyway, flight 244 may have been delayed but it took off with little fanfare. Passengers boarded like zombies, sans bloody mouths.

I wish I would have thanked that needle-felting woman and I’ll probably never see again, but I’ll never forget her.

Here is a thank you card that has nothing to do with her or the travel odyssey.

I know we made it through another winter because I can hear the toads mating and my neighbor snoring. City-life is so full of intrigue! Who knows, this hawk

could be guilty of butchering all those baby bunnies?? Why am I so quick to blame my domesticated house pets??

Anyway, it’s almost June and that reminds me that school is almost over. 🙂

Franmas has come and gone and was filled with begging 

and mandatory/all-day posing.

**Not pictured: Flaming effigy/piñata the kids made of/for me.**

After I took this photo, we all laughed and shared a bar of 89% cacao, its whisper of sweetness brought us closer together. And the birthday celebration lasted longer than just 24 hours because the very next day Jen and I started printing the Spring Release!

Our telepathic communication is less fun than it used to be so we started using very subtle mumbling and facial expressions to share feelings of disgust or acceptance when choosing paper and envelopes.

While Jen prints, I conduct important research and send her texts.

Even though she doesn’t respond, I know she nods her head, files the information away, and appreciates it very much. She never sees me mouth the words, “You’re welcome.”

Between watching a stolen copy of Firestarter,

having my myofascial system manipulated, and stuffing Jen’s pants with firecrackers, we had just enough time to choose cards for the spring release. And because I am so generous, I   slowed-down the best scene in Firestarter so everyone can enjoy it as much as I did. **SPOILER ALERT** Little Drew is often blinded by rage and uses the pyrokinetic powers she inherited from her mother, Heather Locklear, to burn her enemies alive. Also, George C. Scott can kill a man with one precise karate chop to the underside of the nose. (See clip above.)

NOW, wanna know what cards we chose?? I’ll only show you FOUR, because I am full of mystery.

xo!