Posts in funny greeting cards

CAN I GET AN AMEN???

published by Fran Shea

Whenever Jen goes out of town, Millie prays

that I can hold the Zeichen Press fort down… Or maybe she’s praying for a bath? Or better kibble??  WE’LL NEVER KNOW. Between weighing packages – packaged by the Intern,

and photographing old cards reprinted with poppin’ fresh ink,

I scour antique newspapers for graphics drawn by long-dead art directors

so I can REPURPOSE them into greeting cards that will be (fingers crossed!) added to the line.

(SAFE TRAVELS, JEN/DON’T GET EATEN BY A SHARK.)

Gasp!! THE NEW PATINA IS OPEN!!!

published by Fran Shea

And like the phoenix, the New Patina (50th & Bryant) has risen from the ashes of the Old Patina! It’s BEAUTIFUL!!! 

I have said, AND I QUOTE, “If Patina carried a coffin, I would kill myself just to be buried in it.”

You may now throw-up. (I swear I’ll never quote myself again.)

It’s weird that the following photos have Zeichen Press cards in the foreground:

May my suffering bring you joy

published by Fran Shea

Only my fellow Minnesotans and residents of Chicken, Alaska can truly understand what it means to be cold. I am intrigued by deadly weather. Cold that can freeze a limb solid. Cold that flattens your car tires. Cold that makes your eyeballs feel funny. I braved the extreme cold today.

Twice.

-21° is COLD. But a Mexican Omelette was whispering my name with such longing… I put on every bit of clothing I own and headed outside. The car actually told me to F – Off. I reminded it that we were both in this together and that if it cooperated I would fill it up with Premium Gasoline. Foolish car, choosing gasoline over Mexican Omelette!

When I was safely inside of Hot Plate I laughed… Oh, how I laughed – and saluted the outdoors for being a worthy adversary. Later that day (that SAME day) I went outside again. I actually ran to the studio. It took 1.5 seconds. Luckily my exposed body part (my bottom) was unharmed.

Where was I? Oh, yes. I risked my limbs (and bottom) to run to the studio and lay out previously written cards. Three birthday cards. The metal type was awfully cold. I wanted to lick it but I exercised restraint.

In your own urineGet out of my room.

My tiny friends.