Blog - World Dominance

Sheila and Franz Ferdinand begged me to write a Zeichen Press card about their love because they’ve been together for over five years. I thought for sure she would have left him when his hair-plugs were rejected by his fussy scalp, but the toupée looked so lifelike!You still have time to order a card for Valentine’s Day! Or two, if you are having an affair.

I started getting acupuncture this weekbecause my qi [chee] is obviously messed up. And, everyone knows, it is impossible to write a book with messed-up qi [chee].

A BOOK?!

I’m writing A BOOK!! Remember??

It’s one of the four things I talk about, so it should be easy to remember.

But, what are the other three?

1) Bacon

2) Rat-kingsAnd 3) My new nephewHere’s a card that explains everything:Right??

I heard a story about a Minnesota fur trader. 

Tromping through the snow in seasonably cold weather, sans Northface winter gear and, more importantly, SANS Smartwool socks — he found his feet to be frozen solid. Frozen like a forgotten chuck roast buried under the pile of pizzas and popsicles.

What did he do?

Simply dragged his body through the snow until warmish accommodations were reached, asked the hardy men in the room for an awl, punctured his feet, and had those same hardy men pour brandy over his numb tootsies.

There. Feet saved.

I didn’t write a card about that. (I’m sure I will.) Here’s something more lighthearted:

Christmas is SO two days ago and that leaves me wondering what to do with the rest of winter.

Should I:

A) Take up a winter sport, like: crying? Or swearing? Or punching the air?

B) Write/design cards about this wonder-filled season.

I choose both!

In this story, the ‘straw’ is paper-and-ink and the ‘gold’ is a cash box full of cash.

If only mortgage companies and grocery stores accepted hugs and back rubs in exchange for their products and services! Alas, they do not, and so we are forced to peddle our wares. Normally, shops around the WORLD (that’s right) peddle our goods for us, but once a year, we come out of hiding, and on horseback, to peddle our own goods at the beloved No Coast Craft-o-Rama.

Is it because we love laughter and the spirit of the Holiday Season? Or is it because we love money?

Oh, the reformed Scrooge inside of me says it’s not about the money. IT’S NOT.

Where?

AT THE MIDTOWN GLOBAL MARKET FOR THE NO COAST CRAFT-O-RAMA!!

Directions:

1) Put on all of your clothes and coats.

2) Hitch sled-dogs to sled.

3) MUSH!!

4) Do ALL of your Holiday shopping. And eating.

Is there a better way to embrace the Holiday season??

NO.

There is always SO MUCH TO DO this time of year! Jen has to print and fold about a million cards and I have to sit still so my daughter can do my nails.Yes, those are adorable pandas. And yes, that is stigmata.

The No Coast Craft-o-Rama has an amazing line up this year (as usual), there is Miss Amy Jo, Adam Turman, glass|wares, Cosmo’s Collars, Moss Love Terrariums, Oh Dier, Soup Hunter Guitars, and… so… much… MORE!!

SO, bring your money and your eyeballs and get ready to check everyone off your Christmas list! AND send a belated Chanukah card (is that a thing??)

Postable asked me to create a card that celebrates a very rare occurrence: Thanksgiving and Hanukkah falling on the same day. I don’t know much about the Jewish Faith but I think that means eight days of leftovers.This mash-up won’t happen again for another 77,000 years.

It’s true.

In other news… Jen and I will celebrate Thanksgiving the way we always do: in period costume. Twist: Jen will be dunked in the dunking chair until she confesses to being a witch.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Now that the temperature has dropped to depressing lows, I’ve turned to TLC reruns for comfort. …My Strange Addiction is the best thing on television… Why wouldn’t I gorge myself on other people’s dysfunction?

But enough about women addicted to drinking their own urine. Here’s a card about perspective.

It’s easy!

Old folks like Misao Okawa credit their longevity to poached eggs and whiskey.

Oh, I can do that.