Send Cheese - True Story

My grandpa’s battleship was bombed and he had to tread water for 13 hours WHILE he kept his unconscious buddy afloat. That was just like the time in 2009 that I swam out to meet the seal.

SPEAKING OF TREADING WATER.

It’s mid-February in Minnesota.

When Pam (our New England rep) calls me, I have to think for a second… Is this Classic Pam the Cat calling me from beyond the grave? But no, that would be silly! Classic Pam is too busy.Pam spent last week at the Javits center in New York, I think because she loves us.

We love you too, Pam.

She is faxing orders over willy-nilly and I am busily taking pictures of kittens.

(She’ll thank me later.)

This time, I’m two-timing Zeichen Press with The Book.

(Remember when I two-timed Zeichen Press with Tanek, and I made those paper dolls??)

OMG, good times!

Now I’m spending my waking hours wrangling kittensand working on the book. Here’s a teaser:PUT YOUR GLASSES ON.

Still blurry?? Wink.

I shed my layers this week and exposed my sun damaged, yet somehow pale, flesh to anyone unfortunate enough to glance over at me.

Sun was absorbed, golf carts were driven, and books were begun.THAT’S RIGHT.

Golf carts were driven.

OR to use a term I (maybe) coined:

Wintermission!

I’ve been enjoying hour after hour of On Hold Musicand eating all of the Holiday Cookies.

Oh, AND setting up a GoFundMe for Tib The Cat. (Donate today to be eligible for one free kitten. Please. I beg of you.)—

AND HERE’S A BREAK-UP CARD. I’m a giver.

My agent wants a second book, he assures me that he’ll sell this one. He better, because I bought a $95 rug from Target. We’re not all fancy New Yorkers, Peter. WE’RE NOT.

So, it looks like this Winter will look just like last Winter… Except, I had the kids drag the trunk down from the attic for a coffee table.Oh, the cats? Never mind those. This place is crawling with them.Fine, here’s this year’s Christmas tree.

Much to be thankful for this year… Jen and I have FOUR working lungs, DreamWorks Studios loves us, AND (fingers crossed) Tib is pregnant again. 

Last night, I dreamt I took a day trip to Manitoba. Just an afternoon of pool-swimming at an area motel. I came home and bragged to everyone, “I went to Manitohhhba today.”Two observations:

1) No wall-less public toilet in this dream?? That’s right. Who’s in charge now, Dreams??

2) My dreams have finally taken me to Canada…

AND ANOTHER THING: Winter came completely out of nowhere this year. One week it was 71°, and the next week, I had to break out the Smartwool. “Oh, Minnesota! You are so crazy! Potholes and mosquitoes and icehouses!”

Shut up.

Our four desks were pushed together for a Thanksgiving art project; we wrapped bits of Autumn-colored tissue paper around the end of No. 2 pencils, carefully dipped the wrapped end into the puddle of Elmer’s Glue squirted onto a scrap of construction paper, and placed the florette onto the the inside of the outline of a turkey. 1…2…3… Ten seconds for each one to dry and the process to start all over again.

What a perfect time for my 4th grade teacher to join us!

Conversation was breezy but quickly turned to talk of Christmas presents… Boy Student, “Can you believe that I believed in Santa Clause until I was in SECOND GRADE!” Laughter from the table… Laughter fades… MY TEACHER confides in the little group, “You guys, don’t laugh — I believed in Santa Clause until I was in FOURTH GRADE!”

Hmm, *I* believed in Santa Clause until that very moment. 🙁 <–Frowny Face

OH, BUT WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO PEPPERED WITH DISILLUSIONMENT??

Fast forward 33 years, DreamWorks Studios

just ordered 400 of THIS card.Sooo, there’s that or whatever.

Just imagine this:

in a Witch or Hobo costume, “Trick or Treat!”

I was never Wrapped in Bacon like these fancy L.A. kids… Our L.A. rep sent us this:I’m assuming this little person was Trick-or-Treating… But I see no treat bag, nor do I see a 3-ring binder, NOR DO I SEE the latest issue of The Watchtower.

True story: Since I put my NO SOLICITORS card on the front door, I have had, exactly, zero solicitors. Buy yours today!