Blog - Tortured Soul

Had to drive down to Russell, MN the other day. And when I say “had to drive” I mean “I” drove. Me. Fran. For those of you that don’t know me: Driving on the highway makes me feel like mackerel-chum in shark-infested waters.

I drove most of the way, anyway. I think my fancy shoes made me courageous. There I was, driving down 212 like some kind of commuter – the kids were barely terrified and I was barely crying.

The farm inspired me enough to recycle a line from another card and pair it with this image:

I showed it to my husband and he said, “Oh, that’s really sweet.” and I said, “She’s talking to a pig.” and he said, “Oh. Am I the pig?”

And it’s these little questions that can be left unanswered – that’s how we keep the marriage fresh and mysterious.

Making a mix-tape was a commitment – a good one could take the entire weekend and if there was real dedication, homework would have to be set aside.  

The dual-cassette boombox was essential unless you wanted to wait for your song to randomly play on the radio.

I hated that. …Waiting, hour after hour, both the Play and Record buttons beneath my exhausted, trembling fingers… the tape ready for the next musical masterpiece.

The artwork for the tape case was just as important as its contents. More than just a list of song titles, it was an opportunity for creative expression using a good ball-point pen.

I’ll never make another mix-tape but I don’t even care because I can waste my weekends making mix cd’s.

We all can!

And of course stuff them in a Zeichen Press mixpak!

I wish someone would make me a mix cd… (PLEASE!!)

And yet, they keep applying.

They have no skills and they’re not even helpful.

They actually make more work for me plus I don’t even know whose idea it was to let Susie get pregnant again.

The only break I get from this mayhem is when I lock myself in the bathroom to cry. (Once a day.)

But I must carry on.

SO, Fred photographed the new cards and I added them to the shop – here’s a sample:

Give this card to someone with a flying phobia, they will think you’re really funny.

I thought and thought about a Father’s Day card … This was a toughy. I don’t know why.

I’m kidding, I totally know why.

 Do I write a card about estrangement? About mistresses? No! This is a holiday to celebrate fathers! The fathers that hang in there and make their kids proud! I battled my demons and the result was:

The Best Father’s Day Card Ever:

PS: Jen said, “I was surprised. It was sappier than I thought you would do.”

Jen and I often look back on the birth of Zeichen Press the same way any mother looks back on any birth. Sure, there was blood and, yes, there were tears but there was another realization: there is a latex glove filled with crushed ice in my mesh underpants.

The first days of Zeichen Press were spent huddled around our Poco no. 0.

The Poco has a patent date of 1910 and weighs in at a mere 210#. That makes it the oldest and also the lightest press in the shop. It is, to date, the only press that has caused me (bodily) harm.

Ouch! That’s a doozy!

Never trip over, and land on, a cast iron press on the floor. I documented the injury because of the lawsuit that I’m going to file against the makers of that monster. I just have to build a time-machine and drive my Model-T to Chicago.

The first thing ever printed on the Poco was this:

I’ve seen better prints made with a potato. 

We outgrew that little baby pretty quickly and moved on to something I’m hoping to one day never catch my hand in.

Or if I do, I hope to have something sharp in my pocket that I can use to cut my mangled hand free.

This is what comes of my unwillingness to fold the laundry – I just stare out the window (of my asylum) and think and write inappropriate things. Shouldn’t the children in my imagination be allowed to have one wholesome snowball fight?

Don’t you hate when people quote Shakespeare?

I wrote/designed a new card this morning. Actually, I wrote it while I was sitting in church. Don’t judge me.

I knew it!

People always ask me, “what made you write that card?” This question is usually followed by either laughter or tears and then I am dumped on the side of the road with a pack of cigarettes and a mix-tape.

If I even had time (or could pull the gag out of my mouth) to answer, I’d say that the inspiration for each and every card is just a reaction to some experience that I’ve had. I’m not a scientist but I’m pretty sure that the brain works like a Rube Goldberg Machine. One observation leads to a series of tangents and the end result is either a small, quiet room in a mental institution or a greeting card that part of the (dark and twisted) population can relate to.

Example: My grandmother decided to spend her twilight years traveling. She and her companion wanted to tour some parts of Hawaii in a helicopter. Tragedy struck, and the helicopter and all of its passengers were smashed against the side of a volcano. The only identifying evidence available were the teeth.

What?! Yes, it’s true. That card is not a big seller in the U.S. but strangely, it’s quite popular in Canada. What does that even mean?? And now are you going to wonder if there is a story behind this card?:

There isn’t. THERE ISN’T.

I’ve never met a middle-aged man at a BP in Grantsburg and given him money for a Kitchen-Aid mixer — until now! The ZP intern was the recipient of the gift. She cried and looked like she was just crowned Princess Kay of the Milky Way.

It was beautiful.

I spent the last 56 hours holed up in my room (cell) uploading content for the new Zeichen Press website. And just to make it interesting, I didn’t shower or change my clothes. I DID leave once to get a new iPhone because my old one decided it would rather be a hot plate than a phone.

So be it/good riddance.

So, I (meaning the Zeichen Press intern) pulled one of everything (x3) for our new Canadian reps

while I sat on the cold concrete floor and worried. Andrea is learning so much from me.

Our new reps will be taking our goods to the the CGTA and from there I guess back to their ice palace. Canada is so different than America!

I found a short list of shops in Toronto that I imagine will soon be carrying some letterpress from Minnesota… but that’s for the reps to decide. I’m not some kind of control freak.