Blog - New Cards

I know Winter is almost over because I’ve watched everything on Netflix and am now forced to look at my neighbor’s roof because their house is so close that when windows are open on quiet Summer nights, I’ve heard a stream of urine meeting a toilet-bowl full of water.

Oh, and another reason I know Winter is almost over is that Jen and I (and #oldestintern) are picking cards for the Spring release! It only took me two hours of meditation and four Xanax to kill my darlings! And by darlings, I don’t mean house pets or 4th trimester babies. I mean designs that I have birthed and cherished as if they were a sliver of my soul. As the kids say, #NBD. Maybe someday, my little friend.

Oh, this one DID make the cut!

Sometimes Winter digs its filthy, ragged nails in — refusing to allow the next season to sashay over snowdrifts and SOMETIMES pantyhose must be filled with Ice Melt and arranged like giant caterpillars on the roof to dissolve the glut of ice-filled flashing. SOMETIMES.

Did my new son-in-law know that he was going to spend so much time on my roof?? (TOO LATE NOW!)

 Ohh, I will give up… WHEN PIGS FLY. 

Doesn’t Winter understand that it takes more than a little water running down walls to derail Zeichen Press?? MUWAHAHAHA!!

Something happened last weekend

and I’m pretty sure it involved the best cake and the best catering in Minneapolis! (Thanks Zeichen Press!)

*Hint: She consented.

The festivities inspired so many things! One of them was this card:

Now I’m busy watching Leaving Neverland because I need to balance all of the goodness of last weekend with something creepy! (Thanks pop-culture!)

Remember that Winter when I dipped my ice-cold hands in 25¢ Tom Thumb coffee? WELL, I DO BECAUSE MY ICE-PICK LOBOTOMY DIDN’T WIPE OUT ALL OF MY MEMORIES/WHY DIDN’T I JUST HAVE THE ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY LIKE THE DOCTOR SUGGESTED?? #regrets

THIS Winter

I won’t dip my hands in 25¢ coffee (OR WILL I???) because I need dry hands for clickity-clacking away at my keyboard. I tried googling “craftsman bungalow second-floor remodel” and realized I need more expert advice. Sorry, Google.

AND just because I love a challenge, and because I love WWII-era technology, AND because I believe pencils should express their pithiness via hot foil, I tested my fire-extinguisher and will try my hand at this: (I @#!$-ing <3 Zeichen Press.)

MTV only played three videos in 1991 and I watched them over and over again because Spike the Cat blocked the very small infrared light detector on the cable box with his tail so the remote control was useless. 

Why didn’t I just get up and move the cat or change the channel the old-fashioned-way?? SHHHHH.

I guess one of those three videos inspired a Christmas card?

Mrs. Reece thought it made sense to cast me as Tweedle-Dee and my BFF as Tweedle-Dum. (Did we argue over who would get to be Tweedle-Dee?? Maybe.) We wore matching Nike tennis shoes, (before Heaven’s Gate!) knickers, striped socks, and propeller-topped beanies. 

Last week, I asked Tweedle-DUM to find a photograph of the two of us in our Roles Of A Lifetime. She dug out her old STA yearbooks TO NO AVAIL! (Frowny-face.) BUT she DID find some other treasures! 

Aww! SEE HOW SWEET I WAS?? Father Dillon and I must’ve taken a break from the PET computer lesson we were having so I could sign yearbooks.

(Did my mom know my pants didn’t fit anymore?) 

All of this has nothing to do with a card I made! Here it is!

We’ve all seen this before but it still makes me laugh SO JUST WATCH IT.

There are big, some might say HUGE, things I am secretly planning for 2019.

They might involve World Domination. THEY MIGHT NOT.

My mom told me that my classmates only teased me because they were jealous.

Who could blame them?? LOOK AT ME. That’s a REAL Guinnea Sax dress and ivory blouse.

Speaking of jealousy…

Millie got a new dog bed and we overheard her begging Tib to move over but Tib completely ignored her. We told Millie not to worry because Tib is just jealous of her because she doesn’t have a uterus and Millie does. TAKE THAT, TIB. 

Never one to miss subtle innuendo, I observed the falling snow while Jen feverishly printed and concluded that it is almost time for the No Coast Show!Or almost time for Millie’s seasonal grooming. We spoil her!

Before Zeichen Press (BZP) took over my life, I homeschooled my three children and when the snow fell I amused myself by forcing them to complete arbitrary projects.

But now that they are older I am forced to amuse myself by creating greeting cards. Oh, the humanity…

The other day my uncle posted a photo on Facebook of my great grandpa and, once again, I was forced to amuse myself. But this time via photoshop.  

Is that your eldest on the right?? YES. Fingers crossed he doesn’t meet the same demise! (Death-by-train-while-walking-on-the-tracks.)

Oh, and if you follow Instagram AT ALL, you would know that Magers & Quinn and Zeichen Press are having a love-fest.

See you at the Midtown Global Market December 7th or 8th! (OR BOTH, YOU HARDCORE CRAFT CONNOISSEUR.)

List of things Millie has peed in or on:

• – Shoes
• – Coats
• – Rugs
• – The bathroom floor
• – Towels left on the bathroom floor
• – Backpacks
• – Dirty laundry
• – Clean laundry
• – Stack of paper for a Room & Board project

Oh, yeah! Jen’s shoes! Silly Jen, doesn’t she know that is one of Millie’s 9 favorite places to empty her bladder??

Millie told me later that she does this to remind humans about overcoming adversity… It actually makes sense because she’s been totally into Brené Brown lately!

Why were Jen’s shoes off anyway?? BECAUSE she prints a sample of a new card, marches from the shop to the house, takes her shoes off by the back door so we can pick the perfect envelope and paper color, THEN slips her shoes back on so she can march back out to print. BUT while we were busy picking the perfect envelope and paper color, Millie was busy filling Jen’s Dansko clogs with a liquid surprise… Oh, Millie! One card down, only 17 more to go!

DAMN, that’s a lot of pinkish ink on the press… Don’t worry, we expressed our gratitude for Millie via organic beef treats (SHE DIDN’T SHARE.) Oh, and Jen prints barefoot now.

Here’s a teaser: