Blog - Franimals

There would be no Christmas cards – NAY, no greeting cards if not for Mr. Louis Prang.

There would be no Zeichen Press without Mr. Louis Prang.

Shut your mouth!

It’s true.

That’s why the biggest (only?) greeting card event of the year is named after him: The Louie Awards. We decided (it was a big decision because we hate rejection and it cost $65) to enter a card this year in the friendship/encouragement category.

There were nearly 1,000 entries and only three were chosen to be finalists in each category. All of my prayers to the Patron Saint of Greeting Cards (St. Valentine, of course) were answered.

The award ceremony is in May and I’ve already started writing my acceptance speech: “(Laughing) Is this really happening?? I can’t believe this… um… okay… I can’t believe I was even in the same category as ________ and ________! Wow… Such an honor… (stammer, tear up, brush hair away from face) Wow… okay, I had nothing prepared… “

And so on. 

Jen and I dream of one day owning a paper-folder. If that day ever comes, we will weep (and probably embrace) for joy – casting our folding-spoons out forever. Forever. But until that day comes, we will fold our cards by hand. We are looking for qualified (have hands) people(s) to assist in the folding. Payment would be in pounds of ground beef and (also) (not ground-up) kittens.

Our folding party (I’m still recovering) last night went pretty well. We folded a lot of this card:

Millie the dog came to the party but had very little to contribute. She was actually really useless.

2010 has a short driveway and as we backed down it we (I) felt wistful. It seems like only last year we were freezing in Brainerd. Here we are again, eating thick-cut bacon and praying for the strength to survive round after round of Name That Tune. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions because the prisons are overcrowded as it is and also because the world isn’t ready for my style of leadership. (Deer-in-the-headlights.)

This was a big year for Zeichen Press – and as I sit in my Fiberglass Insulated Cell, I feel gratitude. I also feel greasy from all of the bacon, but like the sparrow, I will take a sand-bath to freshen up when the time is right. A new website, a fleet of reps, prints in Room & Board, the dog’s wig:

Who wouldn’t be grateful? I believe Jen and I are coming up on The Five Year Anniversary of Our Zeichen Press Partnership – we will celebrate by not murdering each other in cold blood.

Don’t worry, we’ll send out Save-The-Date cards.

It’s important to name things. My middle toes, my water bottle and all of my hypothetical tumors have names. I got to use my naming skills this week to name a real product for a real company. I’ll pose (nude) next to the product when it hits the Apple Store shelves. I think that’s what PR people mean by “changing the conversation.” We’ll find out.

Meanwhile, Fred was busy photographing our latest letterpress cards. If you like unicorns, (who doesn’t?) I have just the card for you. Also, if you like men carrying baby elephants or know someone that is grieving the loss of a cat, you will be satisfied.

ETC.

Snap, snap!! Take me to the shop!! 

What a lucky day I’ve had! While on a Nature Hike* we discovered something remarkable: A squishy mass of hair and bones that was once inside of an actual owl!

Oh, Mother Nature, you are so full of treasure! Dissecting this was like a dream come true.

Teeth and a beak?! Yum! After using two sticks to pull apart the wad of regurgitation, I felt like writing a card. Woot, indeed.

That was a lot of syllables.

I’ve heard that experiencing four letterpress harbinger doppelgangers is about as rare as seeing the Virgin Mary in a pancake. I’m not saying that Zeichen Press cards predict the future, I’m just saying that some of our cards seem to foretell a subsequent event. Wait, what am I saying? Never mind, let’s just get to the evidence:

Don’t freak out. This is being investigated by the proper authorities.

Isn’t that nice?

OH, also: It only seems appropriate that on the eve of the launching of the new site, the dog was caught nursing the kittens.

Enjoy.

I need to get into character for the big Room and Board project… “WHAT’S MY MOTIVATION??!”

Backstory:

In a post-apocalyptic world, one breathtakingly beautiful woman finds herself wandering through the residential remains of South Minneapolis. She stumbles upon a letterpress print shop – it is impossibly intact. She drags her shopping cart of possessions inside and studies her surroundings. Type, ink, paper, a giant wrench and an autographed photograph of Kelly Clarkson. This is exactly like her dream – except without Abraham Lincoln. There isn’t much time before the feral cats find her…  But she finally has a method to preserve the dying language – at last! At long last… 

Whew! That was intense! Okay, enough screwing around – the clock is ticking and the cats are coming.

I’ve heard that some people use their kitchen table FOR EATING.

The squirrel came back again – this time looking for Fig Newtons.

Maybe if people (me) remember to shut the back door she wouldn’t think I was inviting her in for lunch. After I waved goodbye (screamed hysterically and jumped up on a chair) I had time to use the table for other things. : Project photographs for the new website!

I am tempted to leave my door open to see what other wildlife will enter my kitchen.

Maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t broker peace between nations. I’m no Dalai Lama. I’m no Barack Obama. I’m just kidding about that second one  –  I just wanted something to rhyme with Dalai Lama. Wait, what? Barack Obama really did win the Nobel Peace Prize? Oops. My bad. It’s hard, toiling away, day after day – trying to make this crazy planet just a little bit cheerier. Ghandi knows how I feel.

Alfred “Alfie” Nobel

What would Fran do?

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 ANYWAY. I wrote some new cards. Perhaps, one day, they will bring peace to war-torn countries…

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PSST, is this my birthday party or my funeral

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The Christmas concert would be her chance for revenge.

I’ll celebrate Christmas however I damn well please.

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I hope she likes thoughts that count.

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Great. My parents just got home.

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