Posts in Family
Endless Game
published by Fran SheaIf only I could play an instrument or sing or get along with a group of people, I would release an album full of music. I can’t do any of those things and so I stand
in my Fortress of Solitude and name imaginary albums. This has been going on for, like, 20 years. Here are a few:
• Liar, You’ve Never Seen the Moon
• Please Don’t Drive Away, My Leg is Hanging Out of the Car
• Why Don’t You Need My Wagon?
• That’s Not Cake (Don’t Eat it)
• He Tries To Control Me With His Eggrolls
And so on.
I will eventually take it a step further and design the album art – a band will come to me and select one and most likely it will go double platinum. I’m pretty sure that’s the way it works.
—
My sister’s wedding was on Saturday
and I cried like a baby because I felt nostalgic.
My sister used to watch Lamb Chop’s Play-Along and I really miss Sherry Lewis.
After the ceremony, I dried my eyes and went to the party. There was a lot of drinking and a lot of dancing. And this album cover was created:
I think it would be good for a funk metal group or maybe spoken word.
Every Couple Wants Their Own Postmark
published by Fran SheaI won’t try to fight it – and why should I?
My youngest sister
(why is she so angry all the time??) is getting married this weekend and I designed/Jen printed some invitations for the blessed event.
The event will be very celebrity-heavy. By “celebrity” I mean “family.” It will be full of family. You can crash the wedding if you want – but no pictures. Just kidding. Take pictures – I can’t stop you.
Nudity
published by Fran SheaBecause Summer is ending and because I can never have too many awkward locker room situations, I joined a gym. Let me be clear, the other women in the locker room aren’t at all awkward – only me. They undress shamelessly while I wrestle my sports bra off like Houdini. They meander from locker to shower completely nude while I fashion and drape a towel-sari around my body.
(That’s me and Lucy.)
I expect the entire Winter to be a blur of snow and uncomfortable nudity.
Thoughts of this inspired a (birthday?) card:
School’s in Session
published by Fran Sheaand that means homeschoolin’ my kids. Don’t be afraid – one of them has come through relatively unscathed (9 fingers!). The other two just rebuilt the carburetor in our truck and can field dress a deer in under ten minutes.
Oh, and reading Beatrix Potter
inspired our small rodent and woodland creatures taxidermy course – so lifelike! That’s a pretty diverse curriculum. I know. I created it myself – Winter might see some hydroponics in the pole barn – we’ll see. WE’LL SEE.
While the kids were digging through the compost pile for fat worms, I managed to do some letterpress printing – I made a new card. It features a flamboyant police officer:
Cat Obituary
published by Fran SheaSusie the Cat, 2, of Minneapolis, house-cat of the Shea-Rosen family, died post sterilization surgery. She was born at the North Pole and lived her life in South Minneapolis. Survived by Classic Pam, Tim, Penny, Monte, Max and nine other children.
She was preceded in death by her son, Black Stallion.
This is about Strategy and Operations:
published by Fran SheaI finished scrubbing coagulated (cow) blood off the walls of the refrigerator (who stands a raw rump-roast on its side with no plate below?!) just in time for an important meeting.
The Chief Financial Officer, the Chief Accounting Officer, the Chief Content Officer, the Chief Creative Officer, the Chief Visionary Officer AND Loretta
were all in attendance.
The purpose of this conference was to discuss the profitability and potential of a particular product. Were projected earnings delivered? Could a product redesign garner a higher margin of sales?
In other words, we picked some new colors for an existing card because we felt like maybe the card would do better if the colors were a little punchier.
Funeral for Summer
published by Fran SheaHurray for pulled pork and coolers stuffed with beer! Hurray for giant, brain-rattling jumper moonwalks! Hurray for dollar-store Chinese lanterns and garage sale face paint! Hurray for not working!
Doing Unspeakable Things With Type
published by Fran SheaI regret not jumping into Lake Superior last week. I’m kidding, I don’t regret that. I regret not pushing that weird guy into Lake Superior last week. He was yelling, “the effing dog ate my pills! The effing dog ate my pills!” That poor wiener dog was trying to end its own sad life. Anyway, here’s a photo of Lucy and Jenny braving the frigid waters:
Lake Superior is the poor man’s ocean, just like my Reprex
(notice the vice grips)
is the poor man’s Vandercook.
But I must make do.
I must make do because that’s how I was programmed. The project du jour is a print involving lots of words. And because I’m a daredevil, I decided to lock up the type in a vertical formation. This is not for the faint of heart. The type and I both felt creepy when it was over and now we can’t even make eye contact.
Everyone Should Have an Intern
published by Fran SheaThe heat broke like a fever and I’m left shivering in my hot pants and (court ordered) tube-top. I think it’s time to head out to the shop to see what that intern has been up to while I’ve been at the lake.
Ballad or Miracle? You decide.
published by Fran SheaMelissa Peterman and George Keller turned a hot, mosquito-filled night in the Zeichen Press backyard into something magical.