Bring it, Old Woman:
published by Fran SheaWork is not really the right word for what I do. But I do sit in a particular chair in my living room. I sit with my laptop on my lap. I sit here a lot. Oft. I sit here ofttimes. In front of me is a couch. On the couch is the dog.
Above the couch are a row of windows. I sit and, absentmindedly, stare out the window. I do most everything absentmindedly. Some call it day-dreaming. I call it thoughts and feelings continuously flowing uninterrupted by objective description or conventional dialogue.
My teachers called it “almost failing.”
ANYWAY. I am sitting in my chair and I realize I am absentmindedly staring out the window. I notice the woman across the street (whose name I dare not speak) standing in front of her large picture window. She is an older woman and I’ve see her putter about in her yard scads of times… Now I see her standing in her living room, looking out her window. Not just looking out her window – she is standing stiff and still – as if in confrontation. She is staring, staring at me. I wouldn’t expect a television actor to stop the show and look through the glass at me looking at them. It’s not as if I am standing and staring out my window. I am in my usual slumped position, eyes barely over the screen of the computer, headphones blaring music in my ears.
I am camouflaged. She shouldn’t be able to see me.
But she does.
She sees me and I’m not kidding: She, this elderly lady, gives me TWO MIDDLE FINGERS! I actually pointed at myself “who me?” and turned around, sure to see some scoundrel. But no! The eminem-style-double-flip-off was meant for me. ME! I watched as she closed her blinds.
WHOA! holy Scads batman! That’s just – unexpected… I too am oft the victim of the returned-stare-to-a-stare-I-didn’t-know-I-delivered… you know what? they used to call girls like us “daydreamers”(at least in my case). Now they call it female ADD and make us take pills.
HA! They’ll have to catch me first! Oh, wait – that wouldn’t be too hard.
Set up a telescope on a tripod and leave it aimed in her direction. That will move her straight into the nursing home.
Oh, feisty! What if I just start putting together puppet shows for her?… I have one Kermit the Frog puppet and lots of socks…
Get a navy blue windbreaker, put FBI on the back of it in yellow tape (real professional like, Fran you can do it). Then, pace around talking on a cell phone (frequently turning your back so as to display your wares. No, not those wares. Those are in front).
Puppet show? Oh, Fran. You are just asking for trouble. First, she will bring in her family to watch, then her relatives, then her friends, then total strangers. It will never end. Please rethink your strategy.
How do you sleep knowing that creepy demon is so close by? I would start drinking heavily.
I’m sure that the “eminem” thing was simply demonstrating that his left nostril is deeper than his right.
You’re probably right, Glenn. I don’t know why I feel it’s okay to sully a good reputation.