June 18, 2016
zeichenpress

This isn't the first time I blamed The Cats for a crime they didn't commit.

Nor will it be the last. 

The odor of rotten animal is unforgettable and like the odor of rotting potato, it is embedded in the brain. But sometimes the brain jumbles the smell of decomposing rodent with the smell of a blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can.

And that is where my story begins...

The Summer Breeze gently wafted through the upstairs windows. It was pleasant, until an occasional repulsive odor stung my nostrils. I blamed The Cats for hunting, killing, and hiding their prey somewhere on my second floor.

But a search for a body was in vain and a garbage can investigation led me to the real suspect: that damn blanket of maggots coating the bottom of the garbage can!

Mea culpa, Tib!  When will I ever trust you again??

Speaking of breezes (and puns??)... Here's a new thank you/congratulations card.

June 16, 2016
zeichenpress

Jen's in Austria because she loves gazebos.

The Intern (Madge) is in Italy because she loves dreamy landscapes.

And I am here because I love the smell of flooded basements.

Is that asbestos tile??

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. See how we just throw caution to the wind over here?? I almost forgot what the floor looked like under 1,000 lbs of soaked carpet! And that was my lesson about not taking things for granted.

Between all that lesson-learnin', I made a new card.

Don't hurry home guys!

SaveSave

June 2, 2016
zeichenpress

Tib knows it's summer because the screens are on.

And *I* know it's summer for other, more important, reasons.

But I'm trying to be a better person/less into body-sculpting, so I decided to read a book. It was written by The Intern's daughter, Nora McInerny Purmot.

Chapter 25 was especially fun to read because Madge is so near and dear to my heart and I could relate to the notion of elder-abuse.

Except my mom has made it very clear that she wants to be euthanized via pillow-suffocation, pre-elder-abuse.

Oh, mom!

May 26, 2016
zeichenpress

Wait a sec... This ice cream truck drives slowly by the house/Zeichen Press HQ every day,

but I have never really studied it...

Zoom... Enhance...

And again...

...

...

...

...

...

I KNEW IT.

Freaks, World Dominance
May 13, 2016
zeichenpress

RSVP wanted MORE greeting card submissions. And having a wet towel for a brain makes it so much easier to wring. 

 

May 4, 2016
zeichenpress

Remember last year when my lung collapsed and my mom had to sleep on a cot in my dingy bedroom so she could walk me to the bathroom in the middle of the night?

 

And EMTs had to come to that same dingy bedroom, on that very same night, because we thought my chest-tube had fallen out?

No?

I know you're wondering if the EMTs were cute and why my bedroom was so dingy. Um, my mom volunteered to be their Resusci Annie doll and I've been a little too busy building the Zeichen Press Empire to focus on home-making frivolity.

But, between choosing paper/envelopes for the Spring Release and conquering territories, I did refresh my bedroom. And now I see no reason to ever leave it.

Choosing paint color is just like choosing ink color. But with less Jen and more anxiety.

Speaking of self-medicating (was I?) here's a Spring Release teaser (see/buy ALL 12 from the shop!):

April 24, 2016
zeichenpress

1985 : Minneapolis

One 13 year old girl (me) biked to Calhoun Square in Uptown to buy a record for her friend's birthday and almost kept it for herself (myself).

I might have forgotten to ask to borrow the bike from my sister. And might have forgotten to ask permission from my mom to bike there. And I might have not brought a bike lock. And the bike might have been stolen from the entrance where it was super-discreetly parked behind the Calhoun Square signage. AND I might have had to walk home. 

But how could I not risk everything (being grounded) to get that album when I was pretty sure Prince wrote Paisley Park about me??:

Colorful people whose hair

On 1 side is swept back

Sigh.

 

 

April 12, 2016
zeichenpress

After coughing the web of mucus from my throat, it was time to choose paper and envelope colors for the Spring Release.

Dinah told me later that she was plotting my murder while I took this photo.

Oh, Dinah! What will make you snap?!

Wait, tell us more about the web of mucus!

No! No more. Onto more important things.

Like frogs im Deutschland.

Who needs pants when you have legs like that? Amiright??