Posts in seedy-underbelly
The Magic of Before & After
published by Fran SheaOn a recent episode of Hoarders (Monday, 9pm A&E) we witnessed an extra strange living situation: A man (struck by almost immeasurable grief) shared his home with 2,385 domestic rats.
I say that his grief was almost immeasurable because, although he had a great amount of grief, there was an obvious rat to heartache ratio. 2,385 rats : 1 deceased wife.
To see the number of rats in one area was amazing – they poured like water through every possible (and rat-made) nook and cranny. The bottom of every wall and door had been chewed to bits and the floor was lost under a carpet of rat feces.
But in just a few hours, the team trapped and caged the rats, shoveled out the house (why didn’t they just burn it to the ground??) and left the man.
The before was so ridiculous that even the after looked like a pair of soiled underpants.
Oh, well.
Another thing: Sometimes I don’t believe the weight-loss/makeover Before & After photographs. It’s hard to know.
Before:
After:
Is this transformation even real??
And now, witness the magic of the Zeichen Press warehouse Before & After:
(It’s okay to cry.)
Before:
After:
A Well-Oiled Machine
published by Fran SheaMy brother took some old bicycle parts (they weren’t really old, just unguarded) and screwed them to an outhouse. He called this his ice-fishing house and wheeled it the five blocks to Lake Harriet every morning before school.
It probably wasn’t an outhouse and he probably wasn’t ice-fishing. But the important thing was the procedure: Wake up before the crack of dawn, drag, push, and pull the little house through the dark and cold, onto the frozen lake.
What a strange young man.
It has taken us years to fine-tune our order-processing procedure at Zeichen Press. It is now just like a beautifully choreographed ballet. Costumes are optional so Jen never wears hers. Anyway, we are testing out a new step in the procedure. I call it the Order Chute.
Sweetness
published by Fran SheaI could tell Winter was over when my gutter broke and rain poured into the basement, soaking the carpet. Thank goodness we love damp and smelly rooms or we’d be super mad. Another sign of Spring: I found Classic Pam (the kitten) under the tree in the backyard trying to act adorable. When will she realize that we only kept her because we felt sorry for her?
So sad.
These events inspired a new card. Perfect for a birthday?
Country-Time
published by Fran SheaHad to drive down to Russell, MN the other day. And when I say “had to drive” I mean “I” drove. Me. Fran. For those of you that don’t know me: Driving on the highway makes me feel like mackerel-chum in shark-infested waters.
I drove most of the way, anyway. I think my fancy shoes made me courageous. There I was, driving down 212 like some kind of commuter – the kids were barely terrified and I was barely crying.
The farm inspired me enough to recycle a line from another card and pair it with this image:
I showed it to my husband and he said, “Oh, that’s really sweet.” and I said, “She’s talking to a pig.” and he said, “Oh. Am I the pig?”
And it’s these little questions that can be left unanswered – that’s how we keep the marriage fresh and mysterious.
One Spoon to Rule Them
published by Fran SheaLast night was our first monthly (WHAT? Didn’t I tell you guys that??) card folding party. Jen was noticeably absent. She was invited, she told me she doesn’t mix business and pleasure. Or maybe she said she tries not to see me more than she has to.
Either way, she wasn’t there.
Wine was drunk and 1,000 cards were folded:
You can be a part of the magic! Send me an email – if you own a spoon, have two hands, and aren’t planning to kill me – you can join us!
The 12th Card
published by Fran SheaMarch means the party is over and Winter is the (very) drunk guest that won’t take a hint. Um, Winter, can’t you see that I’ve thrown the bottles out the back door and had the dog clean the floor?
That’s alright. I’ve called it a cab, it will be here in a few weeks.
Meanwhile, here’s a new card:
An irresistible, wriggling delight.
published by Fran SheaThe first week of January is known as the first week of January. It’s also known as the time that the patient angler, eyes fixed on the bobber bobbing on the surface of the nearly frozen water in the middle of a hole cut through the ice-crust of their chosen lake, watches and waits. Watches and waits for the bobber to disappear, the bobber attached to the line tied to the sharp hook, the hook baited with an irresistible, wriggling delight.
I love that the Zeichen Press fax machine is the bobber in the story. Ring, ring, ring! Thank you reps for dangling our delights (?!) in front of those hungry buyers! You wear snow-pants so we don’t have to. But we do anyway.
Because of you, we have time to direct important things:
Goodbye 2010
published by Fran Shea2010 has a short driveway and as we backed down it we (I) felt wistful. It seems like only last year we were freezing in Brainerd. Here we are again, eating thick-cut bacon and praying for the strength to survive round after round of Name That Tune. I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions because the prisons are overcrowded as it is and also because the world isn’t ready for my style of leadership. (Deer-in-the-headlights.)
This was a big year for Zeichen Press – and as I sit in my Fiberglass Insulated Cell, I feel gratitude. I also feel greasy from all of the bacon, but like the sparrow, I will take a sand-bath to freshen up when the time is right. A new website, a fleet of reps, prints in Room & Board, the dog’s wig:
Who wouldn’t be grateful? I believe Jen and I are coming up on The Five Year Anniversary of Our Zeichen Press Partnership – we will celebrate by not murdering each other in cold blood.
Don’t worry, we’ll send out Save-The-Date cards.
Straddling
published by Fran SheaI need a mechanic. Or whatever that person is called that fixes printing presses.
I left the house to escape this:
Only to discover:
That’s Jen crammed in the corner (where she should be) trying to figure out why the belt is slipping off our C&P. Why are her hands glowing? If only we had an answer.
Thank you, Owl!
published by Fran SheaWhat a lucky day I’ve had! While on a Nature Hike* we discovered something remarkable: A squishy mass of hair and bones that was once inside of an actual owl!
Oh, Mother Nature, you are so full of treasure! Dissecting this was like a dream come true.
Teeth and a beak?! Yum! After using two sticks to pull apart the wad of regurgitation, I felt like writing a card. Woot, indeed.
*Hahaha, Andrea! I Uppercased it!