Posts in Cape Cod

The Post Office

published by Fran Shea

Summers on Cape Cod before the invention of electronic mail (or personal computers) meant low-tide foraging, wiffle ball and handwritten letters. Letters were elaborate and could include drawings, mix-tapes, whipper-snappers, and live specimens.

I learned that the more letters written, the more received, so rainy days were spent diligently embellishing the news: Picnics with the Kennedy’s, shark hunts, ghost encounters – all sort of true.

There was (and is) no mailbox at 29 Freezer Road and so the day includes a walk to town for the newspaper and a visit to the post office. The post officers knew us by (last) name and quickly slid the day’s mail across the counter.

The Intern has been pulling orders with a smile on her face. How does she do it it?

My job is to bring them to the post office. I am tempted to fill the boxes with live specimens and whipper-snappers but I will restrain myself.

SHARK!!!

published by Fran Shea
The morning coffee brought big news:
Swimmers spotted four Great White Sharks on the beach in Chatham. Wait, let me be clear: Not ON the beach – in the water. Swimming around … and around … and around.Some would call that circling – orbiting their prey, slowly moving in for the flesh-ripping, limb-tearing, feeding-frenzy. But I’m not here to give sharks bad press – that’s already been done – I’m just trying to help you, the reader, understand the everyday danger that is my life. I risk it all to bring you, the reader, a good story.
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So, off we went up the coast. Past Chatham, to Wellfleet. Wellfleet, where there is no swimming ban. God forbid we miss a beach day because the “Coast Guard” spotted some 12′ sharks. The Atlantic called us and it would be rude to ignore the call – we had to dive right into the water like good-natured guests.
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A seal joined us – not more than 15 feet from shore. If he were walking on land he’d be limping… I don’t know what that’s called in the water. Drowning?
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Oh, Seal! Do you remember our meeting last year? I do. It was magical. Last year, I had to swim ever so far – my legs dangled 100 feet above the ocean floor – they were like little noodles hanging off the end of a fork, ready to be swallowed up by the sharks. This year, you bob seductively near shore… it would be effortless to get to you. But I won’t do it because I am sensible and also I saw this
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hovering overhead. A sure sign that somebody is looking for sharks. I said, LOOKING FOR SHARKS. We decided that building sand castles is pretty fun.

Airplane Safety Card (continued)

published by Fran Shea

After a harrowing day at the beach, I had to stop into the Brewster General Store

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to check out their card selection – one thing is clear: they might have enough rubber lobsters but they do need some letterpress from Minnesota. I will see what I can do about that.

A day at the beach always includes:yellow-bucket-450x427

That poor thing has been around for such a long time.

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Airplane Safety Card

published by Fran Shea
The trip to the Cape always begins with studying the airplane safety card.
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When we land alive, I kiss the filthy airport carpeting and raise my fists in the air in triumph.
The drive from Boston to the Cape included a pit-stop for newborn-sized burritos and an impromptu visit to a little stationery store in Hingham called social graces – adorable! This just proves my theory that Hingham has newborn-sized burritos and little stationery stores.
The Cape is paradise, as usual – except for the E. coli outbreak – that’s Electronic coli. We had to boil our water – it reminded me of Mexico – without the drug mules. And everything else.
To be continued…
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TOPLESS WOMAN MOLESTED BY LOCAL SEAL

published by Fran Shea

Wellfleet, Massachusetts

A Minneapolis woman dove into the icy Atlantic Monday morning in an attempt to “meet a seal”.
Assuring onlookers that the attempt was an “act of diplomacy” she swam a distance of approximately 50 yards using a stroke known as the Dog-Paddle. She met the 350 pound Harbor Seal unaware that the top of her two-piece bathing swimsuit had become untied and dropped to her waist. The woman is reported to have said that the seal reacted to the introduction like “some sort of wild animal” … “His flippers were all over me.”