Posts in World Dominance
I need to get into character for the big Room and Board project… “WHAT’S MY MOTIVATION??!”
In a post-apocalyptic world, one breathtakingly beautiful woman finds herself wandering through the residential remains of South Minneapolis. She stumbles upon a letterpress print shop – it is impossibly intact. She drags her shopping cart of possessions inside and studies her surroundings. Type, ink, paper, a giant wrench and an autographed photograph of Kelly Clarkson. This is exactly like her dream – except without Abraham Lincoln. There isn’t much time before the feral cats find her… But she finally has a method to preserve the dying language – at last! At long last…
Whew! That was intense! Okay, enough screwing around – the clock is ticking and the cats are coming.
I lived in Uptown when Chino Latino was Annie’s Parlor and the threat of a good bus-stop knifing made my morning commute thrilling.
Alas, that Uptown is no more.
The filthy (come ON! You know it was filthy!!) Uptown Bar has been replaced by a giant, sparkly Apple Store and the smelly Uptown Bar bouncer has been replaced with fresh-faced (sober) computer geeks. Did I shed a tear during the demolition of this Minneapolis Institution?
No. I did not. Don’t send me hate mail.
I loved the Uptown Bar – when I was 21. I also loved smoking a pack of cigarettes every day and getting my furniture from the Salvation Army.
I love the new Apple Store – all brushed metal and snowy white… Perfectly climate controlled, smelling of new electronics, buzzing with energy… A 30 foot-tall-wall of tempered glass keeps the noise and heat of Hennepin Avenue out and the Apple-Zen in. Machines are tethered to maple tables so they won’t float away and maybe to prevent shoplifting.
I bought one of those machines – my old machine was jealous but it was time for it to be replaced. Laptops shouldn’t cause 1st degree burns on a lap. I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.
What?! I know. My new computer would never say something like that.
I’ve heard that some people use their kitchen table FOR EATING.
The squirrel came back again – this time looking for Fig Newtons.
Maybe if people (me) remember to shut the back door she wouldn’t think I was inviting her in for lunch. After I waved goodbye (screamed hysterically and jumped up on a chair) I had time to use the table for other things. : Project photographs for the new website!
I am tempted to leave my door open to see what other wildlife will enter my kitchen.
Something weird(er) is going on around here. First, we witnessed a large orange cat date-raping our little Siamese (cat) – and THEN there was a squirrel sitting at my kitchen table eating an avocado.
LATER, I drove myself (I did!) to the edge of downtown for a stand-up meeting with the managing editor for Minnesota Business* and the guys from Tanek and Touchpoint. The meeting was in Touchpoint’s new (unfinished) space – which happens to be in the building that I imagine owning. So that’s a weird coincidence.
*The Managing Editor for Minnesota Business can be found here:
Let’s talk about the kitchen in my first apartment: A room the size of an airplane galley* with the bonus feature of a countertop hinged to the wall. If that countertop was not in the lift and stow position (just like an airplane tray-table) it wasn’t possible to open the refrigerator or the oven.
This was great incentive (for my roommate) to do the dishes. I preferred moving the dirty dishes to the living room. *I’ve peeked in an airplane galley – it’s usually hidden behind a curtain (that matches the drapes) – the flight attendant works mechanically, loading up that cumbersome cart to roll down the aisle.
The delicacies that came out of that first apartment kitchen included (and were limited to) chicken pot-pies and tater tots. The crisper drawer in my refrigerator contained a large amount of an herb – but that was none of my business.
Oh, but the tater tots!
Straight from the freezer and onto my cast-iron skillet: washed down with an Old Milwaukee and a Camel Lights cigarette.Whew! Did I mention I had 18 by the balls? ALSO, if I had a hankering for ribs OR pizza, I only had to walk down the stairs. That’s right, the one and only Ribizza fulfilled that strange combination requirement for Uptown, Minneapolis.
Exactly five minutes West of my house is Kings Wine Bar – a newish (rhymes with Jewish) little neighborhood restaurant. They serve tater tots but with sauces far fancier than ketchup. I was there last night and there didn’t seem to be any Old Milwaukee or Camel cigarettes on the menu but somehow, after we ate our tater tots, our table was magically covered with candy.
This doesn’t have anything to do with the card I wrote/designed last night. Or does it?
Sunday: The Corpus Christi procession brought oodles of the Devout through Loring Park – all busses were rerouted and the Minneapolis Police department was on high alert for any shenanigans. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little emotional as the church bell solemnly rang out and I watched Barb perform CPR on my husband.
Tuesday: Our new intern (Andrea Sanow) showed up with the enthusiasm of a 22 year old girl. We love her – and we’re not just saying that because she reads the blog and is, like, the strangest mix of a Type A Personality and totally laid back. What?! It’s true. Thanks to her, I got so much done: Here are the Room & Board prints in color:
It’s unofficially Summer around here and to celebrate I’m going to make some more prints for Room & Board. People always ask me (no, they don’t) if I feel lonely or maybe a little afraid working out in the studio/shop/time warp at night. But how could I feel lonely or afraid out there when I have all of those cabinets of cold, lead type and Mark Wheat‘s voice coming from the plastic radio?
I hit my head on the asphalt yesterday and when I snapped out of that familiar concussive daze, I thought to myself: Again? And: That wasn’t as bad as running into the tree. Or the windshield. Or the Christmas tree-stand. Or the windshield.
Walking my bicycle and openly weeping, I made it home just in time to work on the new Room & Board project:
Thanks MADGE for introducing me to the Polaroid app for my iPhone!!
“Yeah, you should wear the wig.”
People always ask me, “Fran, how do you balance everything so well?? Zeichen Press, kids, marriage, hypochondria, facebook, animal-taming, daydreaming – It doesn’t even seem possible!” I wish I had some fluffy (Oprah-approved) secret to share but it’s really much more simple: Evil twin. What?! Yes. You’d be surprised by how many people actually have evil twins.
This has been a regular rat king of a week: The big Tanek party is tomorrow and Jen and I have been planning the whole thing – From venue to letterpress printed coaster to life-jackets. One of my favorite things is the Tanek 10 Year CD – a music mix and letterpress printed sleeve/party favor/door prize. My playlist skills were honed as a teenager – hour after hour spent with the dual cassette player… see, mom?? I told you it was more important than algebra.
As soon as this party is done I can get rid of that mannequin.