Blog - World Dominance

My brother took some old bicycle parts (they weren’t really old, just unguarded) and screwed them to an outhouse. He called this his ice-fishing house and wheeled it the five blocks to Lake Harriet every morning before school.

It probably wasn’t an outhouse and he probably wasn’t ice-fishing. But the important thing was the procedure: Wake up before the crack of dawn, drag, push, and pull the little house through the dark and cold, onto the frozen lake.

What a strange young man.

It has taken us years to fine-tune our order-processing procedure at Zeichen Press. It is now just like a beautifully choreographed ballet. Costumes are optional so Jen never wears hers. Anyway, we are testing out a new step in the procedure. I call it the Order Chute. 

Nothing says, “welcome to the neighborhood!” like a tricorne hat and a missing limb. According to REAL SIMPLE Magazine, this card:

is the perfect way to welcome the new kids to the block. I don’t care if they meant to use this card:

I’d rather live in a neighborhood full of limbless, historical reenactors.

Pat Carney stumbled into our dimension on Friday for the Gute photo shoot.

Edmund made latte after latte while Loretta babbled in the background. We think she was talking about Pam the kitten/her prisoner. Anyway, I had to punch Pat in the face to get one latte away from him for a prop. He took it like a man. Except for the tears.

I could tell Winter was over when my gutter broke and rain poured into the basement, soaking the carpet.  Thank goodness we love damp and smelly rooms or we’d be super mad. Another sign of Spring: I found Classic Pam (the kitten) under the tree in the backyard trying to act adorable. When will she realize that we only kept her because we felt sorry for her?

So sad.

These events inspired a new card. Perfect for a birthday?

Now that Mother’s Day is over (good riddance) – it’s time to write Mother’s Day cards. This is how the Greeting Card Calendar works. Don’t ask questions.

Here’s one for all of you silent-letter/mother-lovers:

New Zealand, as a nation, needs more Zeichen Press. Our distributor (they have a distributor??) demanded (ordered) we send thousands of cards to California so they could be shipped to New Zealand onboard the Good Ship Binburra.

The Binburra will probably be attacked by Somalian pirates because Liberian ships are always attacked by Somalian pirates. If this happens, we will donate our pallet of cards as ransom for the lives of the kidnapped crew. You are welcome, fictional future kidnapped crew.

Godspeed, Binburra. Godspeed.

I made this card

on the Poco No. 0

before Don Draper was a twinkle in Matthew Weiner‘s eye.

Or, a wiener in Matthew Twinkle’s eye.

I’m pretty sure that’s Don Draper, sans cigarette, putting the “A” in MAN. Don Draper, or my idea of the perfect man: Briefcase in hand, exiting the home.

REAL SIMPLE must feel the same way, because they included the card in their Father’s Day collection. I love that magazine. Like Martha Stewart LIVING, it makes me feel inspired andinadequate. I think that’s called having the eye of the tiger. Right? No? Oh, I don’t know.

It was only a matter of time because we were standing outside their office.

METRO home is a new special section in METRO. The cover of this months issue is intriguing and frightening. It might be a photograph of a bedroom/torture chamber. What’s behind those curtains?Yikes! This room comes with shackles and nightmares.

Urban Living Manifesto sounds really serious. Do people really take themselves that seriously?? Two words for them: settle. down.

Oh, but here’s something cheerful – it’s about Zeichen Press:
Those Room & Board prints were sure worth all of the sweat I dripped on them last Summer!

I was right in the middle of a dream where both of my eyeballs were, curiously, weeping blood. This was, of course, followed by an intense search for a public toilet and, AS USUAL, the only available toilet was in a high-traffic area of the Southdale Mall.

Thank God Jen called and woke me up. But not before I reluctantly (why do I always do it??) sat my bare bottom on the toilet.

If I’ve learned anything in my life it is how to be wrenched from a sound sleep and into a car in under 5 minutes.

It’s not pretty but neither is childbirth.

Jen and I stopped for our traditional latte at the May Day Cafe and then it was onward to the State Fairgrounds. The Fine Arts Building was our cold and unwelcoming host, its huge doors left open to remind us that April can be just as cold as November.

I’m sure the whole building was full of crafty-goodness but unless tables were set up on the way to the bathroom, I wasn’t going to see them. For eight hours, I did observe the folks running the Burlesque of North America table. They are screen printers – a craft that I have always had a crush on. Anyway, despite the sweetness of their prints, they were just as freezing as us.

Poor thing!

Our big experiment for this year’s fair involved a QR code

that led to our latest Watch and Share card.

It was successful. If you measure success in terms of wishes and smiles. Which I do.

You can buy the card!