Blog - Jen

My grandpa’s battleship was bombed and he had to tread water for 13 hours WHILE he kept his unconscious buddy afloat. That was just like the time in 2009 that I swam out to meet the seal.

SPEAKING OF TREADING WATER.

It’s mid-February in Minnesota.

When Pam (our New England rep) calls me, I have to think for a second… Is this Classic Pam the Cat calling me from beyond the grave? But no, that would be silly! Classic Pam is too busy.Pam spent last week at the Javits center in New York, I think because she loves us.

We love you too, Pam.

She is faxing orders over willy-nilly and I am busily taking pictures of kittens.

(She’ll thank me later.)

There were TWO mysteries at Zeichen Press HQ this week. I prayed and prayed to Benedict Cumberbatch,and my prayers were sort of answered, because Jen came to search/tear the house apart.

FIRST, one of the five kittens was missing.Tib had means AND motive. She was questioned and released.Poor Tib… We accused her of eating her weakest kitten. (True story.)The kitten was later found, unharmed.

Sorry Tib.

But what was the second mystery, Fran??

HUSH, it will be explained in my Tell-All book, coming soon!

Much to be thankful for this year… Jen and I have FOUR working lungs, DreamWorks Studios loves us, AND (fingers crossed) Tib is pregnant again. 

And maybe a pregnant cat.

Don’t say anything. JUST DON’T. Tib might have snuck out the window like some sort of wild teenager. We’ll know as soon as we catch her in the kitchen with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

In other (less controversial) news from the Zeichen Press Headquarters: The new cards are all printed and in the shop! Wanna see?

It only took a few minutes to have a mole removed last week (my chest tube scar needed a BFF) and I texted Jen when it was done, exclaiming my relief at the speediness of the procedure.

She told me that that was the easy part.

That’s the way our relationship works — I get my head all full of smells of burnt flesh and joy, and Jen tethers my helium balloon to the doorknob.

It works. IT WORKS.

It’s time, once again, to print cards for the new release.

Choosing a corresponding envelope color can be difficult, and when Lucy or Loretta are unavailable we use another neutral third party.See how intense she is?

SETTLE DOWN, DINAH.

PS: You know we didn’t win Martha’s American Made Award competition. Stop asking.

We find out on Friday if Martha is adopting us — I already packed my bags. I told Jen to pack hers but I don’t think she heard me as she was pealing out of the driveway with her windows rolled up. Oh, Jen!

We (Jen) started printing the new release today, and to celebrate, Millie left Jen a present right in front of Zeichen Press HQ.It only seemed appropriate that this card be printed first:

The rest of the week (until the adoption), we (Jen) will be printing all of the new cards:

I see it! October 13th is the Dim Light at the End of the Dark Tunnel… The Big Day.

The last day to vote for us.

Despite my well documented crippling math anxiety, I’ve done some calculations: 4 days of voting remaining x 6 votes per day = 24 votes per person. 

You better double-check that number/go vote! <–That’s the link!

I barely wept with gratitude when I found out Minnesota Business Magazine wanted to write about Zeichen Press for Martha Stewart’s American Made competition… And when Minnesota Business Magazine writer, Erica Rivera, told me to hush my pretty mouth so she could interview me, I did hush my pretty mouth. I do as I’m told. I DO.

Anyway, Erica wrote this masterpiece:

And then I scooped the litter box.

AND here’s a page about litter boxes from my STILL UNSOLD book:

Recovering from a collapsed lung is the perfect time to learn all about hashtags.

Thank you, lung!

I obsessively tweeted and nagged everyone on Facebook. I’M SORRY EVERYONE.

Wait, #HelpMe.

It’s been a trending/not-trending rollercoaster-week for Zeichen Press…YOU MUST REALLY BE SUFFERING!

But may the best (wo)man (named Fran and Jen) win. Did I mention that you have to vote 6x every day through October 13th? And did I mention that my doctor told me that my other lung will collapse if we don’t win??

PS: I made a new Mother’s Day card…