April 1, 2013
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My older brothers had a bunk bed, my little brother had his own bed and my sister and I shared a queen-sized bed.

We also shared countless hours of strange bedtime rituals: she would put on her school uniform (white blouse and brown plaid jumper) and pull her nightgown over it — that was for early morning efficiency... I would skip the uniform step and go right to the nightgown.

I was so slow!

She would coat her arms in Elmer's Glue,

I would dress and redress Raggedy Ann.

I don't know if she shared my fear of the monster under the bed.

No, what am I saying? She did not. In fact, she created the fear!

Siblings can be so cruel.


April 1, 2013
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Jen was part of a dangerous expedition

and I have been monitoring the terrain on our homebase. This could only be successful if I sat on a pizza box in the snow.

I'm sure my view was similar to Jen's so I question her need for the expedition.

New product was added to the shop and I can't help but wonder which cards will sell well... will they be sheep-related?:

Or not?

 

 

 

March 23, 2013
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PHEW!

My Faith in Humanity was fortified! I bought a tripod from a stranger on Craiglist and he made no mention of kidnappng, torturing, OR skinning me.

Now I can stumble my way through taking photographs of the new cards!

The Craigslist man assured me (three times) that the tripod was the "real deal" so that should help.

As if that wasn't fulfilling enough, I realized my calling as a social media doula by gently helping Tanek onto Facebook.

It was beautiful — I bawled like a baby and insisted on bare-bottom spankings. I was told that was "unprofessional". 

Here's a new release teaser:

 

 

March 15, 2013
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She waited.

Paced the widow's walk, praying for his ship to appear on the horizon, her view of the sea uninterrupted from her perch.

But no!

And who but those onboard could know the truth — was it a storm? Pirates? Mutiny?

Or was it The Kraken?


 

March 8, 2013
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That's the sound that March makes — that and a muffled sobbing. February triggers cabin fever but March in Minnesota is far more dangerous. 

Here's a story about March: One Christmas, Santa put a baby albino rabbit under the tree — so delightful! 

The little rabbit grew into a big rabbit and by the next Winter, our basement smelled like the bunny barn at the State Fair. With scraps of wood and a bale of hay, I built an outdoor rabbit hutch.

In a pinch, it could serve as a coffin for an adult man.

IN A PINCH.

By March it was buried under several feet of snow and I'd order my eldest to go spend time with the rabbit in the snow coffin. 

The moral of the story is: Get a dog.

And something about March creating crazy. Thank God I have an outlet for my March crazy:

February 26, 2013
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My high school English teacher told the class that if we looked up the word 'glib' in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me.

She was right!

I think I felt insulted.

I'm sure Jen's high school English teacher said something similar about her.

And if not, she should have.

What does this have to do with angry parents or a new card? 

Obviously, my glibness was not celebrated at home. In fact, it was frowned upon — can you believe it?! 

And Jen's reckless behavior?? You'll have to ask her about that... I mean, pregnant at 19?! What was she THINKING?! (Wait, that was me?? We need to hire a fact checker.)

 

February 21, 2013
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And it can be done from the comfort of your own home!

If you're like me (don't worry, you're not) you don't like to "leave" your house or "go" anywhere.

Don't worry!

World Domination will be yours as long as you have these three things:

1) Wi-Fi

2) Computer

3) Forever Lazy Suit

We just picked up a new rep for the Virginia and West Virginia territories (that's right, TERRITORIES. Like a gang.)

We are excited to welcome him aboard!

And we hope we don't scare him away with our love for Franimals and wine.

February 17, 2013
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There IS a universal language on the World Wide Web and understanding it only requires the appreciation of three things:

1) Kittens

2) Wine

3) Talking dogs

Also, videos where guys get kicked in the nuts — but those existed before YouTube.

I follow the dog around the house with my iPhone and I plan on kicking a guy in the nuts this week.

My life is all kittens and wine, so I was able to create the following: 

Feel free to share that 1,000,000 times.

And here's a new card: It's a true story.