List of things Millie has peed in or on:
- The bathroom floor
- Towels left on the bathroom floor
- Dirty laundry
- Clean laundry
- Stack of paper for a Room & Board project
Oh, yeah! Jen’s shoes! Silly Jen, doesn’t she know that is one of Millie’s 9 favorite places to empty her bladder??
Millie told me later that she does this to remind humans about overcoming adversity… It actually makes sense because she’s been totally into Brené Brown lately!
Why were Jen’s shoes off anyway?? BECAUSE she prints a sample of a new card, marches from the shop to the house, takes her shoes off by the back door so we can pick the perfect envelope and paper color, THEN slips her shoes back on so she can march back out to print. BUT while we were busy picking the perfect envelope and paper color, Millie was busy filling Jen’s Dansko clogs with a liquid surprise… Oh, Millie! One card down, only 17 more to go!
DAMN, that’s a lot of ink on the press… Don’t worry, we expressed our gratitude for Millie via organic beef treats (SHE DIDN’T SHARE.) Oh, and Jen prints barefoot now.
Here’s a teaser:
Sure, sometimes my brother teased me via original acronym:
BUT HE WAS TALKING TO ME.
The past week was spent admiring my own biceps and preparing designs for the Fall Release. It’s been a DESIGN FRENZY. 18 cards added… New designs tweaked,
and old designs nipped and tucked and ready to hit the clubs.
DON’T STAY OUT TOO LATE.
PS: That first Mother’s Day card isn’t a confession because there is nothing like that to confess.
Our New England rep told us to gut a fish and I knew exactly what she was talking about because my childhood memories are peppered with freshly-caught sunnies sliced open by my brother’s buck knife. WAIT… I misheard… she told me to CULL THE DECK. That makes so much more sense in this scenario. I better call a meeting… And throw back the freshly-caught sunnies.
GOOD RIDDANCE ALL YOU BOTTOM-SELLERS. It’s a good thing Millie barked her head off otherwise we wouldn’t know the mailman delivered a special package from Sellers Publishing! All the shops in the country need to spread this message during the holiday season.
Oh, before we gutted the fish or culled the deck or whatever, a baby came over and sat on my dresser. She seemed nervous. Don’t be nervous, baby, a dresser is the best place to sit if the mantel is too far away.
We sat on the rug every day while Ms. Stringer read a story to our second grade class — I felt jealous of the girls that planted themselves behind other girls so they could “play” with their hair. Why don’t they ever play with my hair? Sigh… Oh, well… Hey, WAIT!! Someone IS playing with my hair today!! Okay… Don’t move or they might stop… Just listen to the story… This feels pretty nice!… Okay, story is over… Turn around and see which girl it was… ACT NATURAL… Waaaait, that is NOT a girl!!! That’s an icky boy!!! I casually walked back to my desk and felt my hair… Maybe he DID braid it?? It does feel kinda funny… Um, no. NOT braids. HE TIED IT IN KNOTS. KNOTS.
I don’t know why that memory pulled this Mother’s Day card out of me. PULLED IT OUT OF ME JUST LIKE I PULLED THE KNOTTED HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD AND SECRETLY SHOVED IT IN MY DESK.
Do you diffuse internal drama, anticipate stress, and manage your primitive mind?? I do! I hate to brag (do I??) but I’m kind of a Zen-Master and when something unplanned happens, I just meditate! It’s so easy!
Leaving the Cape was a cinch this year because a dozen turkeys high-fived us on our way out
and a Random Baby sent me well-wishes telepathically. Or he might have been trying to hypnotize me – nice try, Harold! (If that is your real name.)
Sunset on the Cape SANS Jen… WISH YOU WERE HERE!But she’s probably pulling orders and thinking of me just like Fievel in American Tail.
Oh, but I DID wipe my tears long enough to make her a birthday card!
Silly business men! Just ask your secretary to figure out that stuff!
Maybe because I haven’t showered in so long (STAY BACK, BOYS) or maybe because… OMG… I HAVE TO WRITE A BLOG POST QUICK-LIKE.
I’ve been sorting through old newspapers (provided by the Intern) and scanning graphics that SPEAK TO ME.
Hide-n-seek is the best game! One time I hid in my bedroom closet for hours – my siblings said they tried super hard to find me and finally started watching tv hoping I’d come out, and of course didn’t forget about me.
Tib also loves to play hide-n-seek! She puts her head down and counts (in her head) while I hide. I ALWAYS WIN! See?? I’m really good. Between games, I make cards for RSVP (because they pay us The Big Bucks to license the Art) and squeeze in designing a few cards for our own line, THAT DEFY ANY CATEGORY.
Whenever Jen goes out of town, Millie prays
that I can hold the Zeichen Press fort down… Or maybe she’s praying for a bath? Or better kibble?? WE’LL NEVER KNOW. Between weighing packages – packaged by the Intern,
and photographing old cards reprinted with poppin’ fresh ink,
I scour antique newspapers for graphics drawn by long-dead art directors
so I can REPURPOSE them into greeting cards that will be (fingers crossed!) added to the line.
(SAFE TRAVELS, JEN/DON’T GET EATEN BY A SHARK.)